Some Things Friday #71: Still Childless In My 30's Edition

Some Things I Love:

1. No child vomit.
   
2. Leaving any time of the day to do a photo shoot, meet someone for coffee, go out to dinner or satisfy a sudden desire to buy new magazines without having to load up the Pack 'n Play. See, I zip MY children up in a crate when I leave the house. Can you do that with YOURS? Without going to jail for it, I mean.
   
3. Taking a bubble bath without waiting for the kids to be sleeping or for The Husband to get home.
   
4. Complete silence, anywhere and anytime I want it.
   
5. NO SPONGEBOB, NO WONDERPETS, NO PRINCESS MOVIES, NO DORA, ETC., ETC., ETC.

Some Things I Hate:

1. Seeing the Perfect most Perfect ever Perfect baby shoes with no one to put them in. Unless I decide to put them on the dogs. Which, hello, might be a bit too pathetic, no?
   
2. Knowing that even if I got pregnant this very moment (which would be difficult to do here on my chair, let me tell you), I would be THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD when my first child started kindergarten. Yeesh.
   
3. Not being able to use all of the incredibly fabulous baby names I've already come up with. And no, I'm not telling, Stealer McStealerson.
   
4. The twinge I get from time to time when I see a beautiful pregnant lady, or a really pretty and non smoosh-headed new baby.
   
5. The thought that I have perhaps not taken enough advantage of these child-free years I've had, and will one day ask myself, "Well, why the hell didn't I just get it over with, then?"

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Couples we meet who ask immediately if we have children, and who upon discovering we don't, act as if their relationship is more validated than ours because they have procreated four times already.
   
2. That when people do ask if we have children yet and we say no, the next question often is "Oh, do you think you're going to at all?" BECAUSE WE MUST BE ETERNAL CHILD-HATERS OR INFERTILE IF WE HAVEN'T POPPED OUT A PERSON YET.
   
3. I haven't worked my ass off enough to be in perfect shape before I would ever get pregnant, anyway. What am I, the laziest and stupidest person on the planet? GET ON IT, IDIOT.
   
4. I flip-flop every few weeks between really, really thinking NOW IS THE TIME and then freaking out that MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT WILL BE OVER. Will that ever go away? Am I just not as filled with Mom Genes (hahaha Mom Jeans) as some of the rest of you?
   
5. Are there others of you who think it is actually a GOOD thing that we didn't end up having the chance to inflict our 20-something confusion, emotional baggage and immaturity onto the children we haven't yet had?