Some Things Friday #71: Still Childless In My 30's Edition

Some Things I Love:

1. No child vomit.
   
2. Leaving any time of the day to do a photo shoot, meet someone for coffee, go out to dinner or satisfy a sudden desire to buy new magazines without having to load up the Pack 'n Play. See, I zip MY children up in a crate when I leave the house. Can you do that with YOURS? Without going to jail for it, I mean.
   
3. Taking a bubble bath without waiting for the kids to be sleeping or for The Husband to get home.
   
4. Complete silence, anywhere and anytime I want it.
   
5. NO SPONGEBOB, NO WONDERPETS, NO PRINCESS MOVIES, NO DORA, ETC., ETC., ETC.

Some Things I Hate:

1. Seeing the Perfect most Perfect ever Perfect baby shoes with no one to put them in. Unless I decide to put them on the dogs. Which, hello, might be a bit too pathetic, no?
   
2. Knowing that even if I got pregnant this very moment (which would be difficult to do here on my chair, let me tell you), I would be THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD when my first child started kindergarten. Yeesh.
   
3. Not being able to use all of the incredibly fabulous baby names I've already come up with. And no, I'm not telling, Stealer McStealerson.
   
4. The twinge I get from time to time when I see a beautiful pregnant lady, or a really pretty and non smoosh-headed new baby.
   
5. The thought that I have perhaps not taken enough advantage of these child-free years I've had, and will one day ask myself, "Well, why the hell didn't I just get it over with, then?"

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Couples we meet who ask immediately if we have children, and who upon discovering we don't, act as if their relationship is more validated than ours because they have procreated four times already.
   
2. That when people do ask if we have children yet and we say no, the next question often is "Oh, do you think you're going to at all?" BECAUSE WE MUST BE ETERNAL CHILD-HATERS OR INFERTILE IF WE HAVEN'T POPPED OUT A PERSON YET.
   
3. I haven't worked my ass off enough to be in perfect shape before I would ever get pregnant, anyway. What am I, the laziest and stupidest person on the planet? GET ON IT, IDIOT.
   
4. I flip-flop every few weeks between really, really thinking NOW IS THE TIME and then freaking out that MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT WILL BE OVER. Will that ever go away? Am I just not as filled with Mom Genes (hahaha Mom Jeans) as some of the rest of you?
   
5. Are there others of you who think it is actually a GOOD thing that we didn't end up having the chance to inflict our 20-something confusion, emotional baggage and immaturity onto the children we haven't yet had?

Comments

[Coast Rat]

Your time will come to have kids, when you are ready. I like your images very much. Have been a freelancer for about 35 years now, mostly with Nikon equipment, although my first SLR was a Canon FT-QL. I am also most of the things in your header. Do you think that is a photographer thing...?

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REPLY:
ha! possibly there is a commonality there with the temperament of someone who likes to create things? ;)
-Sarcomical

[cajunvegan]

37 and childless here. My personal favorites are: "Don't you want kids?" and "You're not getting any younger, you know."

My response is usually: "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

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REPLY:
oh, you've GOTTA love the "don't you want kids" one. because that is totally their business and not inappropriate, right?
-Sarcomical

[Tracy]

I feel much better equipped for motherhood here in my 30s than I did in my 20s, and I think that's been good for my son.

Maybe you should make a "bucket list" of things you want to do before baby, and give yourself x amount of time to accomplish them (leave 2-3 for the time when you're trying to get pregnant and pregnancy).

And you'll find a surprising number of other 37+ year old moms of kindergarten students these days. The OB of one of my friends said "all my pregnant patients are either 16 or 40 these days."

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REPLY:
that's really a fantastic idea, actually. (the list) i guess that because i'm not actually involved in child activities in the area right now i don't even realize how many women are into their 30's going into it all. when the time comes, it should be interesting, for sure.
p.s. i read some of your posts, and your son sounds AMAZING. what a smart guy!
-Sarcomical

[Kristen]

A Thing I Hate: People who tell me, "It's different when they're your own."

Children leak, stink, and make noise on their best days. This has always repulsed me, and it always will.

I'm fine with kids in small doses. If I'm left alone with a kid who's under 12, I can last for almost 15 whole minutes!

My cats have been litterbox-trained since they were, like, 2 weeks old. Beat that, Mommy-of-the-Year. Plus, I can feed both of them for less than $30 a month. Nobody calls me a bad mommy for letting them sleep with me in bed at night.

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REPLY:
oh,i hear you on the relative ease of pets vs. children. although, my dogs aren't going to check in on me and pick up my groceries when i'm 85. heh
-Sarcomical

[Michael]

In our case, this teetering between wanting an child and not wanting a child came on slowly. At first is was that we didn't want to do the things we did when we were 20. We liked our freedom, our yuppie-dom. But we also wanted something else. Then we hit your stage. Thinking about kids in the abstract, but still liking what we had. Sounds like you are on track for the Oh my God, I am almost 35, I need a freaking kid stage.

These days it is very common to wait until later. Most of the parents around us with small ones are the same age.

When and if you are ready for kids, you will know it. You are very level-headed (based on 6 months of lurking) and I suspect will make a fabulous mom if that is what you want to be. Until then, live it up, ignore the pressure, and concentrate on you. That's the way it should be.

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REPLY:
oh yes, i definitely feel the "OH MY GOD, i'm almost 35" thoughts approaching. awesome.
thanks for stopping by again.
-Sarcomical

[Loralee]

Gee, I dunno. I was a mom by 22 and now my kids are 11 and 8 and I am looking at having more kids with this huge age gap.

I think that in a lot of ways it is better but damn...adjusting gets harder as I get older. while you WOULD get used to it, dude...it SO turns your life upside down.

Good thing that most of the time you totally think it's worth it.

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REPLY:
yeah, i'm sure i'll be ready to fully embrace it when the time comes, as it should be. there is some regret that i won't get that young mom thing that i completely missed, (PLUS the energy level would have been beneficial) but since i didn't, it becomes easier and easier to come up with reasons to question the timing and second-guess it all. so complicated!
-Sarcomical

[Laurie]

I'm 37, no kids, and have to say that at this age I feel pretty great. If I had a child in a year, I'd be (holy hell) 43 when she/he went to kindergarten, and I'd be ALL ABOUT IT.

If I'd had a baby in my 20s I think I would have bucked up and dealt with it, but I do think now I know so much more about myself, my place in the world and both what I have to give to and what I need from others, which, if it happens, will make me an exponentially better parent.

(I'm on the blogging without children panel next month at BlogHer and love your post. Will you be there? If not, can I quote you???? You're one of my favorites, lady.)

Laurie

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REPLY:
i'm of the same mindset you are. and THANKS for the nice words. (no i won't be at BlogHer :( but yes you're welcome to quote me.)
:)
-Sarcomical

[will]

The Mrs. and I have agreed that we love kids but have no desire to have our own. Some people look at us funny over this but we don't care. I come from a big family with a 20 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. I've done plenty of childcare in my life already, and I don't want someone to show up, take all my money and grow up to resent me. I'll stick with dogs and maybe robots.

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REPLY:
let me know if that robot thing works out for you.
-Sarcomical

[Kathy]

I'm 35, single, and still have no desire to have children. There. I said it. I'm not waiting for the perfect man to come along, or waiting to be more economically stable, I just don't want kids.

Because of this, I've actually been told my (normally) sane people that I'm selfish (who does my not having kids hurt? No one), or that "it'll change once I'm older." Hmmm. I've heard that one for ten years, and I still feel no pangs of "maternal clock kickin in-ness."

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REPLY:
...who would have the nerve to call you selfish? what balls. ridiculous.
-Sarcomical

[kim]

you know, here in germany it's actually pretty common to have your first child right around the age of thirty. that way you have the chance to get all the being spontaneous, university and than actually work with the degree, party, travel... out of your system. which i think it's a good thing. a bunch of my friends had babies in the last 14 months - all of them 30 or 31 - and they're the most laid back, realistic parents ever. plus, now that most of them stopped breast-feeding, we can go out to party again as well...

we definitely want to have kids in the future, when the time is right for us. i'm 31 now and it's not like i feel "the clock ticking" too much (yet) ? plus, i can borrow one of the five (so far) kids any time i want. AND then give them back when they get cranky, smelly or annoying ;) AND sleep in on the weekend :)

PS:

[angela]

I'm still in my 20's, but I can totally relate. I definitely plan to be well into my 30's before I'm ready for kids. And in the meantime, I can adore my little nieces and nephews and spoil them like crazy, and then give them back to their parents. It's the best. Plus, I can now buy all the wee little shoes I want and see real live babies in them!

[Schnozz]

I prefer to be fatalistic about it. If, in the end, you can't resist, then it's what you were meant to do; the very fact that you can't resist indicates that you wouldn't have been happy going on without one. If you CAN resist and continue to for whatever reason, well ... same idea.

I think what often bothers me about these conversations is the indication that a woman will be happier one way or the other. Knowing what I know about most people and the emotional equilibrium they seem to reach no matter what's happening, I seriously doubt it. Childbearing is one of those odd issues where people act like there's a Right Answer for them, when truthfully I think in most cases whatever you do will be fine, and if it isn't, that probably has more to do with your general ability to feel happy on any given day than whether being childless or being a parent is The Right Thing.

They're a hell of a lot of work. It's not that I've never wanted one, but I've never wanted one bad enough to nuke my entire life for it. If only there were timeshares.

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REPLY:
i'm not convinced that everyone gets that "can't resist it" feeling, but i'm not convinced that getting it should be a prerequisite to actually pulling the trigger, so to speak. i think it's easy to look at my life now and even project into the next 10 years maybe, and say i'm completely happy with my life the way it is. but i don't think i can fully understand the perspective i'll have beyond that, and how i'll feel about having some family around or not later. i wouldn't ever want to presume to be so sure that i'd be doing myself a favor by simply not wanting to change the way my life feels now. i'm not saying i definitely wouldn't be doing myself a favor, but i don't think i'd have any way of really knowing that.
-Sarcomical

[Alison]

I had kids at 24 and 27. And I raised them mostly by myself for the first 10 years. Right now they live with their father, and not having them 100% of the time has been very good for me.

So, while I thought I was "supposed" to have kids when I was younger, now I think "I didn't have to do that." Not that I don't want my kids - they're great, and I love them to bits - but I can see why some people choose to remain childless. And that is a wonderful choice to have.

That said, I'm glad I had my kids early. I'll be 38 soon. Don't know if I would want babies or toddlers at this age. But what's right for me isn't right for everyone!

[Angella]

CHILDREN RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!

Kidding. Sort of.

Life is NOT the same. At all. But we got to the point where we were ready for the change.

We have never regretted having kids. Ever. We do need breaks from them once in awhile in order to stay sane. I have also found that it is important to also just be ME and not always MOMMY. Hence the blog, and the photography.

People ALWAYS give opinions. I got them when I was pregnant and I get them now. Don't let it stress you out - some people are just jerks ;)

[Cara]

I, and most of my friends, waited until our thirties to have kids and I, for one, am so happy that I did. I'm much calmer and better prepared to deal with the unexpected. Having said that, as much as I love my daughter (and I love her more than air), I don't know if you ever feel absolutely, positively 100% about your decision. There are days where I say to myself, what the hell was I thinking, I am so not cut out for this gig. I think it is incredibly rude to criticize someone for waiting to have or not having children. In the end, it's no one's business but yours.

[Dad Gone Mad]

I think we could both save ourselves a lot of headache if you just adopt me. I won't puke, I won't shit the bed, and I don't particularly care for Cheerios.

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REPLY:
oh, and you KNOW those cheerios all over the house would drive me crazy. let me ask my husband how he feels about adopting someone over 10 and i'll get back to you. ;)
-Sarcomical

[M ark]

First, I must tell how much I enjoy your blog,and I think it's great that you have talents in different fields - photography and writing! Good for you - you're so good at both!

If I may weigh in on the childlessness debate - my wife and I have no children because of medical and other issues. There was no choice in the matter, but it hurt us quite often when other couples who had children suddenly cut us out because we had none. We're the same people we were before their kids were born, right?

Good luck; it's a tough decision but I know you'll come to the right choice when the time is right.

Thanks again for allowing us to share in your fascinating life!

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REPLY:
thanks so much for your compliments. it's so interesting, isn't it? this parents vs. non-parents attitude? not everyone is guilty, but i think it happens from both ends sometimes.
-Sarcomical

[ali]

i had kids when i was young and stupid. the best way to have them, i think. before you have the chance to think about how they will really change things. because they change everything. but i'm so glad i did.

BUT...see, here's where we can be best friends. you can tell me your perfect baby names...because i'm done. i won't steal 'em. and you can buy all the cute stuff you see FOR MY KIDS.

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REPLY:
haha! the reasons we should live near each other just keep growing and growing, lady.
-Sarcomical

[Bronxbt]

darlin'

first of all... it's mature and commendable for you and your mate to admit to possibly not wanting kids. it's okay. someday, if you decide to, then cooh. if not, screw the ones who are quick to make judgement.

i've been a HKH (huge kid hater) for 15 years, and now that i'm with a new woman, who makes me so happeh it's sickening... i'd actually consider having one with her. she's 29, i'm 35... so talk about your "yeeeeesh" reactions! i'll be in a wheelchair by the time any kid i may have would be ready for school! hee hee.

if you're happy with your life as is, don't change it. better to consider bringing a kiddo into the world if you want one.. so he/she gets all the love and support they deserve. if not, maybe you're not cut out to be a parent! and that's okay....
if you are, then someday those perfect kiddy shoes may fit on yer lil' behbeh!

*hugz*
B

[Jess]

I have actually had people tell me that I need to have a baby. I don't get that. First off, I'm not married yet and, should I decide one day to have children, I'd like to be happily married first. Second, who do they think they are telling me that I have to have a baby? WHAT?!?!

If you ask me, there are enough children in the world who don't have parents who are able to give them the full attention and time that they deserve. So being selective in your timing and making sure that having children is actually what you want is probably one of the best decisions a person could make. In my opinion anyway. (coming from a 29 year old who is still fending off the damage done by parents who didn't have time or were too caught up in their own world to parent)

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REPLY:
ah, great point here. so true.
-Sarcomical

[bethany Coffey]

Ugh, i get the "you'll do it, or wont do it when it's your own kid", crap from my cousin all the time. And i'm sure it's true to some degree, but to another....no, not so much. I am right here with you on all of this biznass, currently in the process of "when should we do it" myself. But honestly, if I was out of school already, I think we would. All of that other stuff is something to think about, yes, but in the end, i know it will so be worth it and having a super great supportive husband will allow me to still have much needed me time. I don't think you ever just wake up and go "ok, NOW i'm ready", I think you just have to decide to do it.

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REPLY:
this is very similar to what i said in reply to one of the comments above. i think that's where i'm at with it, but now it's a matter of when do i feel like getting it started, you know?
-Sarcomical

[Carolyn]

To add to the classics mentioned in the previous comments, here's a sampling of some of the moronic statements people have made about my childfree-with-no-regrets status at age 42:

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
(The underpaid staff at whatever nursing home I have to be wheeled into once I'm incapable of independent care.)

"You say you want your life to have meaning -- kids will give you that!"
(If by "meaning" you mean "motive for homicide," then sure.)

"Don't you want a little bit of yourself to live on after you die?"
(That's biologically impossible, although I hear they're doing wonders with cryogenic preservation these days.)

On a more serious note, the misgivings I had about having children with my husband were much more pronounced than the ones you mention (my unwillingness to inflict both sides' screwy mental-health genes on an innocent human, for example). Not that lifestyle changes aren't something to consider, as well as the impact kids have on a relationship. But that's all manageable stuff.

IMO, it comes down to a gut feeling -- "do I really want to have kids, and will I regret it forever if I don't?" My answer was, "There's a strong chance I'd regret it forever if I DID have them... and a strong chance that they might regret it as well."

[Carolyn]

To add to the classics mentioned in the previous comments, here's a sampling of some of the moronic statements people have made about my childfree-with-no-regrets status at age 42:

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
(The underpaid staff at whatever nursing home I have to be wheeled into once I'm incapable of independent care.)

"You say you want your life to have meaning -- kids will give you that!"
(If by "meaning" you mean "motive for homicide," then sure.)

"Don't you want a little bit of yourself to live on after you die?"
(That's biologically impossible, although I hear they're doing wonders with cryogenic preservation these days.)

On a more serious note, the misgivings I had about having children with my husband were much more pronounced than the ones you mention (my unwillingness to inflict both sides' screwy mental-health genes on an innocent human, for example). Not that lifestyle changes aren't something to consider, as well as the impact kids have on a relationship. But that's all manageable stuff.

IMO, it comes down to a gut feeling -- "do I really want to have kids, and will I regret it forever if I don't?" My answer was, "There's a strong chance I'd regret it forever if I DID have them... and a strong chance that they might regret it as well."

[Carolyn]

To add to the classics mentioned in the previous comments, here's a sampling of some of the moronic statements people have made about my childfree-with-no-regrets status at age 42:

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
(The underpaid staff at whatever nursing home I have to be wheeled into once I'm incapable of independent care.)

"You say you want your life to have meaning -- kids will give you that!"
(If by "meaning" you mean "motive for homicide," then sure.)

"Don't you want a little bit of yourself to live on after you die?"
(That's biologically impossible, although I hear they're doing wonders with cryogenic preservation these days.)

On a more serious note, the misgivings I had about having children with my husband were much more pronounced than the ones you mention (my unwillingness to inflict both sides' screwy mental-health genes on an innocent human, for example). Not that lifestyle changes aren't something to consider, as well as the impact kids have on a relationship. But that's all manageable stuff.

IMO, it comes down to a gut feeling -- "do I really want to have kids, and will I regret it forever if I don't?" My answer was, "There's a strong chance I'd regret it forever if I DID have them... and a strong chance that they might regret it as well."

[nichole]

I turn 40 next year. I have NEVER had that "bio urge" to have kids. In fact when I see babies I don't ever get that ooey gooey feeling like some women do about how cute or precious they are. When I see that in action I'm like huh? Now on the other hand I DO know what that feels like because seeing a puppy, kitty, or baby horse? I'm ooey gooey central.

One thing I will say? It's SO important that both husband and wife, or partner/partner whatever arrangement, are on the same page about having kids. We both have always NOT wanted them. My BIL and SIL? She wanted them, he did not. They fought for the first 10 yrs of their marriage until she threatened divorce if he didn't give her a baby. Now they have 2 kids (after two HUGELY unsafe and hi risk pregnancies, preemie births, birth defects that required surgeries etc) and now he is MISERABLE with a capital M. Sure he's a good dad and loves his kids (once they are here you gotta suck it up) it's just completely obvious it wasn't his idea of how he wanted his life to be. I find that the saddest of all.

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REPLY:
wow, this is a great and powerful point. glad you put it here.
-Sarcomical

[Kimberly]

Yikes, I'll be 40 when my first child enters kindergarten. Who knew this was such a serious problem?

OK, kidding, but my greater point is that you have time. You may decide to have kids, you may not. It sounds like you're giving it the serious thought it deserves, which automatically puts you leagues ahead of a lot of people who leap into it with no more thought than deciding what to eat for lunch. Good luck with your decision and don't let those nosy questioners drive you too crazy. It is your decision in the end and you don't owe anyone else an explanation.

[Jennifer]

I am just now pregnant with my first baby (6.5 months along). And I am...*gulp*... 33 years old. My hubby and I waited EIGHT years to do this because we were just having such a nice time together in our quiet house and stuff... and we had our too furry kids which were just enough for us. But then we decided to take the plunge... and the thing is, I don't even LIKE kids all that much. Sooo... yeah. Here's to hoping I like my OWN kid! :-P
Moral of my story is that I am not sure that everyone gets to the point where they *know* they are ready... sometimes you just have to *hope* that you are ready. Or something.

[Dawn]

I am eternally behind on blog-reading. The number in my feed reader just mocks me. Normally, I keep my mouth shut when I'm reading a post from a week ago but I just had no choice here. I have to applaud. I'm not even married (or in a position where I would actually be considering having a child at the moment) but half these thoughts still parade through my head.

[Crazy Lady in Vegas]

My Husband and I did everything early/young. I almost would like to have another baby, now that I am 35, so that I can experience it again, now that I am more mature. I think it would be a whole new ball game

[k8]

I haven't been married and I have no children. And I'm not getting any younger. This I know without anyone telling me. Sometimes I wonder what is so cosmically wrong with me that these things have not come to pass, and sometimes I wonder at the blessing that it is to be single and childless. It's a toss up on any day of the week.

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REPLY:
you're right. who can really say with certainty what will happen when and how it will feel? i just want to be as happy as i can be NOW while i'm more free, and if i'm not later, i'll want to be happy with that life, too. no sense in locking myself up with questioning, right?
-Sarcomical

p.s. i am SURE there is NOTHING cosmically wrong with you.

[cindy w]

It's not like the rude questions stop after you have a baby. Mine is 17 months old and now I'm getting all the, "So when are you guys going to have another one?" questions. Which, Jesus God, people. I barely survived pregnancy and the newborn months with my sanity intact. Give me a little time for the post-traumatic stress to heal before we start talking about THAT.

So, yeah. First kiddo born at 31, so I'll be 36 when she starts kindergarten. And presumably much older if/when we have another one. I don't think it's going to be that uncommon, really. Most people are waiting until later in life to have kids, so it's not like you'd be the one old-lady mom in the carpool. FWIW, my sister is about to turn 38 and she's just recently decided that she wants to have a baby. I think some people just have that mommy gene kick in later than others.

Oh, and am I glad I didn't have a baby in my 20's? HELL YEAH!! I was way too busy drinking and making out with random boys, a baby would've totally cramped my style back then.

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REPLY:
HA! i love that response, cindy. that seems to be a widespread consensus, at least among my "online peers", i guess. i really know it's all okay, but god some days it's like i'm looking around this cul-de-sac where there are these kids popping up on bikes who weren't even born when we moved here and i'm like "sheesh...i feel like the freak, even though i think they're freaky!"
-Sarcomical

[Lana]

Hi. Long -time lurker here, but had to comment on this one. Having a baby completely changes you, and your life. I am 31 and have a 10 month old and there are days still where I feel totally overwhelmed and feel I have no idea what I'm doing! Please feel no pressure to have a baby (if at all) because of what other people say.

I remember 'fondly' the question, "when are you going to have a baby?" as soon as I got married, and now that we have one, the question i get is "when are you having your second?' I Hate this question almost more as my husband and I decided before our first, there would be only one and whenever I tell people this, they say "Oh, no, you can't just have ONE!" .

So as K8 said above, the questions don't stop after having one. Enjoy this time!!

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REPLY:
yes, you're right! PEOPLE NEVER STOP BUTTING IN. gah. it's completely true.
...people, what do we do with them? ;)
-Sarcomical

[Databunny]

I am 35, HusbandUnit is 36 and we've been married for 8 years. My brother and his wife have 4 kids and we get the "when is it going to be your turn" question all the damn time.

Random people that we meet in social circles ask us too, when we are going to have children. Rather than tell them in excruciating detail why it's hard for me to carry a child to full term and how we don't want to pass on a long history of mental illness on both sides of the family, we just say we'll adopt if we feel like it.

And then we get the, "What? Don't you like kids?!?!" question.

At which point, I'll look them straight in the eye and say, "I hear kids taste good with mint sauce" and wait for them to look away in confusion and embarassment. Or, they'll laugh nervously and end the conversation.

Because really, is it anyone's business? Hells no.

People are rude. Accept it and move on.

You'll either have kids, or you won't. It's a 50/50, right?

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REPLY:
yes, yes, OH YES. I am loving all of the thirty-something women chiming in with the same thoughts as mine here. people really can be total tools about the child question, for the love of god. i just assume others have the same sense as i do to let other people have their privacy, but that seems a bit challenging for quite a lot of the world. hrmmm... ;)
-Sarcomical

[Kerri Anne]

I'm chiming in late to this childless party, but although we surely aren't done talking about it, and have already talked about it A LOT, neither Chris or I are in a place where we feel confident in our abilities to parent, and in our abilities to make such a life-altering decision. Are kiddos awesome? Most of them, yes! But do we need our own? Especially when there are so many kids already in existence that need homes? No, probably not. Do we want to devote our lives to raising a child, or two? Not right now.

It blows my mind that my by this age my mom already had both my sister and I. And while I know she loves us with every ounce of her, she sacrificed a lot, and she hasn't been dishonest in telling us how hard it was at times, about how much she had to give up, of herself and her own ambitions. While I don't think that is so much the case nowadays (there are plenty of women with full-on careers and children, too), I do think it isn't a decision to be made lightly, and right now I just can't imagine a day when I'll want to have a child. I'm OK with that.

[Karl]

I've been lurking on this blob for several years now without saying much, I think I may have commented a few times, but the bitterness some of these previous comments have me a bit fired up.
If you can't have kids because of biological reasons, I am sorry. But DON'T be angry when others ask about why you have decided not to have any. Most of the time they have no idea that you were unable to become pregnant.
When I got married, I literally made a list of the pros and cons of having children. I'll be the first to admit that the cons far outweighed the pros.
But then "fate" (aka, not wearing a condom) took over and now I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, and a son on the way. By the way, I'm 36 years old.
I looked at my "cons" list of having a child and considered it as I looked at my daughter. She looked at me with a smile and said "daddy".
That made the "cons" list worthless. As someone who had experienced life without child for the first 35 years of my life, I will take that smile over any spontaneous weekend getaway, child vomit, Spongebob, and complete silence.

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REPLY:
i completely respect and admire your comments. honestly, a lot of this entry is tongue-in-cheek, and of course i know deep down that IF and when i am at that stage in my life i will be in awe of the blessings of it all. yes, every stage of life has its adjustments and realignment of priorities. points VERY well taken, and thank you so much for taking time to voice your opinion and thoughts. ;)
-Sarcomical

[Jinxy]

Hi.
I'm 32 and pregnant for the first time. I'm really enjoying it and I'm so glad that I didn't get pregnant in my 20's. I was so scattered and in the wrong relationship. I feel that I'm way more prepared now and will be a better more calm mom. (That's my hope anyway).
Good luck.

[Fraulein N]

See, for a minute there I thought I'd actually written this post. I've been nodding my head emphatically at the comments, too. Some of the reasons people give for why you "should" have chidren are so damn dumb, and honestly, kind of screwed up. People need to realize that it's INCREDIBLY offensive to tell someone they NEED to have kids to give their life "meaning." My life has enough meaning all on its own, thank you very much.

[victoria winters]

If the thought of sharing a child with your husband makes you smile and you want to do it, just do it. Try not to over think it and freak out about how your life with change or money will be tight because, in the end, when you actually have a child that is part of both you and your husband in your arms, none of that matters. Life adjusts around a child, it doesn't end. If you want it, try it, but don't go crazy about it! :)

[Jodi]

When someone chooses not to have children, as I have, people assume I "hate kids." That just isn't true. I've chosen to work with kids for over 14 years and wouldn't change that for the world. A few months ago, one of my "kids" asked if I had any children and I said, "No, all of my kids are here at work." A few weeks later, he gave me a card on Mother's Day, saying he remembered what I said about the kids at work.

Unfortunately, no matter what you do and how happy it makes you, some jerk is going to question your choices and wonder why you aren't just like them or some societal norm. Gah!