Listen. I know that the magical land of movies and television often likes to lead you to believe that couples often shower together, and that it's lots of fun, or is a symbolic act of grownup cohabitation. I mean, don't you remember Aiden & Carrie's "let's elope in Hawaii; let's get Maui'd" shower moment? Or the many times you've seen someone in a movie playfully surprise their partner by sneaking into their shower, like that's supposed to be the Sexiest Surprise Ever?
LIES.
Under such illusions, many new-ish couples try to make a go of this practice. Hey, even The Husband and I gave it a try several times throughout the first few years of our marriage. And granted, a few times it was somewhat fun...but not equal to the work that had to be put into it. There are a lot of reasons why we've pretty much let that one die over our 10+ years together.
Honestly, unless you're Brangelina, you're not going to really find a joint shower enjoyable after a) 27 years old OR b) 3 years of marriage. Seriously. And Brangelina, we are not. We may still be kind of cute, but we're not going to be posing in magazines half-naked for the opposite sex's enjoyment anytime soon. And while a couple should be comfortable together, you eventually get to a point where you're comfortable already, dammit and just want to spend some time alone without having to look at All of That or having someone look at All of Yours.
There's also a temperature issue. Here's the fact: men bitch about hot water. Me? I turn into a shivering mass of flesh under water that doesn't create steam. (p.s. shivering blue flesh is not Super Hot) In addition, have you seen my husband? He's 6'6", and in order for him to be under the water, I end up in the corner air-drying (and again, freezing my ass off).
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, when you shower together there is entirely too much pressure to Be Sexy. I have to be honest, I go in the shower to RELAX and meditate on my day, not try to look hot while I shave my armpits. If you're going to freeze, be put on display, see things that you don't necesarily want to watch and have to share your bodywash...and then don't *ahem* or at least make out a little? You feel like you've somehow failed. And pah-lease, don't be deluded enough to think you can even DO that successfully and enjoyably in the shower...what with all of the slipping, and the lack of support, and the frustrating angles... NO. Don't do it.
I'll take a solo shower, please. Or even better, a solo bubble bath.
Also? I should probably have prefaced this post by telling my mom not to read it. Hmm.
technorati tags: NaBloPoMo
