i've been taking the easy way out. i've been posting photos, photos, photos (okay hey, they ARE fun and i do really want to share all of the things we did on our trip) but the truth is there's quite a bit going on here.
or...NOT going on here, in terms of the SarcomiBaby Experiment.
we've been unsuccessfully on a wait-and-see/do-what-we-can-in-the-meantime path since i had The Procedure (laparoscopy) ten months ago. i tried acupuncture for about four months, changed some things in my diet and have kept track of everything ad nauseum. then i moved on to the "aw, screw it" approach after we finally decided that perhaps talking, eating, reading babybabybabystuff 24/7 was not exactly how we wanted to live and may in fact be driving me a little bit over the edge. so we began to obsess less about physical logistics and making sure i was eating/doing/reading/timing/tracking everything to the point of becoming a ball of baby-obsessed nerves that jumped when you looked at it funny...and instead tried to ease up a bit for a few months to allow us step back and regather our serenity.
and so we are here. 35 and 36, kind of freaking out about being over 40 when we have a 5-year old at best. not that there's anything fundamentally objectionable about that for us - i mean, we're the ones who waited until a couple of years ago to really do something about this seriously, but still it does create a bit of a freakout when i read my diary from age 9 where i marveled at my mom turning THIRTY. so...yeah. it feels a bit weird for both of us i suppose since we had such young parents.
and then there's the fact that we're talking adoption. the truth is, even when we were in our 20's and weren't thinking about kids, we both agreed on our mutual interest in adoption someday, whether we had our own children or not, so of course that is becoming a high priority for us as we realize we're probably talking 2-3 years to complete the process. even if we got pregnant before then, i still think we'd want to go through with it. so now here we are at the crux of several very costly and emotional processes, adoption and possibly an attempt at IUI, which i was supposed to have done around january, but i was very hesitant after reading about the success rates and what all that Clomid meant for women with endometriosis.
but no, i do want to be hopeful and positive. my tendency when faced with things that are overwhelming is to hide, crawl into a quiet cave and hibernate until all's clear. but obviously in this case, that will only mean waiting longer and longer and reducing our chances of either route to parenthood more and more. sooo...we're pushing forward. i've been returning to yoga and trying to get as healthy as possible for what is coming up, and i plan to go back to my acupuncturist as well. and then there are the doctors...
there you go. that is one of the things i've been up to lately.