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Did I ever tell you I was briefly addicted to The Sims? Briefly as in about 2 weeks. Then I just couldn't take it anymore.
I'm sure most of you know what that game is all about. You get to control what these little computer people do, like when they shower, eat, watch t.v., socialize, sleep, etc. Then they're supposed to automatically start to maintain themselves as you go along. You get a certain amount of money, then have to get your people to find jobs so they can make money to buy more amenities. Otherwise, they start out in a hut with nothing in it.
These little people are bitchy. I don't know if I just wasn't doing it right, but here are some problems I kept running into:
- My people never wanted to look for jobs. If I could get
them to find one at first, it was a crappy one where they carpooled in
a shitty car every morning. Every time I commanded them to go look in
the paper for a new job they would go to the paper and a.) look at it
b.) look at me c.) scowl d.) shake their heads no way. Then a little
message box appeared that said "I am too depressed to look for a job
now." What the hell???
- Because they never had any money, they didn't have the nicest
furniture. And when I told them to sleep, they'd look at me like
"you've gotta be kidding me, lady", then cross their arms and say
"uh-uh, UH-UH!". I guess the little pricks were too good for their bed.
So they'd throw themselves on the floor, or collapse outside on the
lawn. Whatever.
- They NEVER cleaned up after themselves. No matter how many
times I told them to do the dishes, the little jerks let the dishes
pile on the floor, or wherever they happened to be, and flies gathered.
I mean, it doesn't take a genius, right? Why couldn't they pick up
their shit?
- Their showers and toilets always leaked onto the floor. I
even tried to splurge on nice facilities. I don't know what they were
doing in there, but there was ranky water everywhere. And then they'd
stop showering altogether, which led to...
- ...They smelled. At least I think that's why the husband and
wife never wanted to sit together. One would try to get all cozy on the
couch, and the other would look at them in disgust and start saying
something that I can only imagine was cussing and general verbal abuse.
Because the other one would cry.
- None of the neighbors wanted to socialize with my people
after the first day or two. Probably because of the smelling and the
swearing. The only thing they could do after a while was go into town
and play slots at the casino. Because GOD FORBID that one of the lazy
asses would get up and get a JOB for money.
- And inevitably, no matter how many different things I tried,
they always did what ended up pissing me off the most. They started
peeing themselves. On the floor, in the yard, anywhere they felt like
it. I don't know if this is because their toilets were never working or
if they had become mentally unstable, but I was powerless against their
urge to take a piss everywhere BUT the bathroom.
- A few times one of the spouses died. I think once it was because she got so unhappy she stopped eating. And if you've ever played, you've seen what happens. A dark figure in a cloak with a scythe comes to take them away. Hello? EWW.
*At least I didn't do what my husband did. One of his ladies burned to death while she was cooking dinner.
