As I sit here timing the highlights in my just-touched-up hair because of The Mousy, with wait time including an apricot facial scrub followed by a vitamin C mask because of Lizard Face, now ready to put in teeth-whitening strips because of Coffee Crack, contemplating self-tanner because of The Eternal Pasty, and noticing annoying scratchy barely-there stubble on my frecking-yesterday-shaved legs because of Just BECAUSE IT HATES ME, all while bumping around to cranked Beyonce, Britney, Fergie, and Rihanna for dance distraction (because It's Britney, Bitch) in preparation for the holiday weekend approaching, I am acutely aware of one thing...
...this female gig is one gigantic pain in the ass.
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