Sarcomical

Half-Week Haiku

I know that the Thursday Haiku Smackdowns have begun to fizzle just as I was going to get into them *sad*, so I'm just going to implement my own whenever I have pics available on Wednesdays (even if I'm the only one that participates!) I was going to call it Hump-Day Haiku, but I am seriously afraid of what kind of weird search hits I'd start getting (and to the person that got here by searching for "how to make a dog go loo", I honestly have no idea if there is anything here that would have helped you.)

SO...today's Half-Week Haiku starts with this pic (click to enlarge):

Some Things Friday #8

Some Things Friday!

Some Things I Love:
-Artichoke Hearts - I'll eat almost ANYTHING if they are in it.
-The crazy little bend in my puppy's tail that probably would have excluded her from a lifetime of dog shows. I think it's faboo.
-Finding out that I will get to work at THIS new location of the store I was hired at instead of the one IN THE MALL. I think it's kind of cool, what do you think?
-Today's hottie: Goran Visnjic. Also lovingly known in my house as "that hot, sexxxy, moody Luka".

Some Things I Hate:
-Victoria's Secret sales girls. Well, maybe not the girls themselves as much as what they have to do to you when you walk in. "Do you need help finding a size?" No, I've been picking my own underwear out for quite a while now and think I can manage. "Would you like a free bra fitting?" No. "Well, when was the last time you had one?" I don't know. "Because you should have one every year." No, that's okay. "Okay, well let me know if you need help." Gee, thanks. Then the another girl comes up to you and it starts all over. Once this actually happened to me 3 times in the first 10 minutes I was in the store. I HATE that. I feel like a piece of raw meat in there sometimes. But wait, look! frilly! cute! naughty! must go in! can't resist!
-Shoes that make my toes numb. *cry*
-Anything PAPAYA. My mom was on this kick when my sister and I were little and we were forced to drink papaya juice every morning for almost a year. She thought it was the key to all miraculous health and good little children, apparently. Have you ever HAD papaya juice? It's not so good. Especially when there is pulp in it. GAG. I can still remember that smell. Oooh, hold on a sec. I just had an almost-puke just remembering it.
-Horror Movies

Some Things I Am Confused About:
-Mrs. Downward Spiral Britney
-Why people would want to do THIS.
-Married women who enjoy sex more than twice a week. That's just beyond me.
-Two words. Nicole. Ritchie. I can't decide if I semi-like her ballsy-ness or totally hate her whore-ishness.

Some Things Friday #7

Some Things Friday!

Some Things I Love:
-The intensity of a good laugh - AND a good cry
-Wrapping the sheets around me and tucking them under - if my sides are not tucked, I can NOT sanely go to sleep
-Baja Fresh - you made me love you. I didn't wanna do it. No I didn't wanna do it.
-Getting a call TODAY for FREE tickets TONIGHT to see A Thousand and One Nights because the person who won the random drawing I signed up for cancelled! This ballet will be the second for me, first for the husband. Yay!
*we do not live in atlanta, but this was the only good description that i could pull up on google for you.

Some Things I Hate:
-Puppy farts. That smell like stink bombs. In my FACE. ALL. THE. TIME.
-Ewww, ewwww, ewwwww. I hate THESE.
-Peanut-butter breath
-The little girl on The Bad Seed. We watched that this past weekend. She scared the crap out of me.

Some Things I am Confused About:
-How my husband can take a computer completely apart and put it back together, re-wire an outlet, cut wood with power tools, connect 2 game systems and a dvd player and a dish unit to the TV, but takes one look at an empty toilet paper roll and apparently the following happens:
He throws his hands in the air, mumbles "Oh, shit. What now?" and just leaves the roll on the bathroom counter next to the toilet because replacing it is just too damn hard.
-People who can eat jerky
-What's going on with Val Kilmer??? I mean, I fell in love - LOVE, people - with him after "The Saint". And now I see him and I am just...at a loss. Did any of you see that phone commercial he did where he had a frauxmbover (fakeish combover)? I almost cried when I realized that was him. However, maybe now that he's done with Wonderland and moving on to hopefully better things, there is hope. I am not holding my breath, as it seems that history proves he is willing to get quite ugly for his roles. BOO! Case in point, his current look:

-Why my gmail invites aren't gone yet. We still have 14 11 to give out. Take my invites, please!

Frou Frou Love

So a strange thing happened to me yesterday.
Not strange in a weird way, but in a "wow...i don't know what to think" strange. A cool strange.

I got a boxed CD from Amazon in the mail.
I never ordered a CD from Amazon.
I opened it up.
Humph. Interesting.
A Frou Frou CD. details.
Well, this is cool...
It was on my Amazon Wishlist for a while...
Frou Frou's song Let Go gives me chills, I have to close my eyes when I hear it.
(That is why I was especially happy about this little surprise.)

...Ummm, so how did I get this?
I guess I'll look at the packing slip.
Wow, someone sent it to me as a gift! Awesome!
I love presents!
Hmmm...this person is from London.
Well damn, that's pretty cool.
Who IS this person?
(*At this point I assumed it was a blog reader.)
Okaaaayy...let's go google her name.

Wow, so she's a singer. Awesome.
How the hell did some singer in London ever read my blog?
Or see my Amazon Wishlist?
Well, she seems pretty amazing; she's got a cool recording studio.
Let's scroll down to some other entries and find out more about her.
Hmmm...she's talking about the Garden State soundtrack? Wha?
She's talking about my fave song on the CD, Let Go.
She's talking about how she's glad it's...doing...so well...what???

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Why is she talking like that about it?
It's like that's her song or something...
...holy crap let's go back to her google listings.
The third link is her bio?
Ummm...she is half of Frou Frou???
Holeee Shit...so that Imogen Heap???

The Imogen Heap who is THE VOICE for Frou Frou.
The Imogen Heap who supposedly sent me this CD.
The Imogen Heap who put this message on the slip:
"Dear Melissa I was feeling generous and I think everyone should have one of these!!! x immi x hope you enjoy it x"

Update:
*I'm currently waiting on confirmation that it was really her. I don't know if it was a thing sent to lots of people or what. Can you BELIEVE this? Well, whether it was or not, check out the link to Frou Frou's CD on the left in my "listening to" section and if you don't have it- BUY IT!
*Also, check out her blog HERE.

UPDATE:
I got the confirmation that is was, in fact, from Imogen. She saw a comment I posted on a blog of a friend of hers (I did not know this before) and went to my site and decided to do something nice for me since I was nice to her friend. Now if that isn't a reason to be her fan, I have no earthly idea how to convince you! And it's also a reason for me to PEE MY PANTS. She will be releasing a solo album soon, so be on the lookout for it!

Imogen, THANK YOU. You made my day - my next few months - REALLY. You are awesome. I will be your devoted fan forever and ever and will buy all your music and love you and be your friend and send you candy. Do you eat candy? ;)
Love, Melissa

Some Things Friday #6

Some Things Friday!

Some Things I Love:
-The scent of jasmine
-Hardy's 1/3 lb. thickburger - mmmm slathered in everything (to think, up to 6 months ago I hadn't touched red meat in years..now look what's become of me - HEATHEN!)
-Waking up in the morning and NOT having a crap-covered dog to take out of her crate and bathe. ...Oooh, yeah, that's the life.
-Johny. Depp. Mmm-hmm. Talented, loves to paint, nice guy, yet dark-and-dangerous-looking. Now THAT is HOT. Check him out in the upcoming flick Finding Neverland.

Some Things I Hate:
-Zoolander. Now, I'm pretty sure that if you like this movie I can DEFINITELY not be your friend. (Unlike the Anchorman thing, which is only a partial deal-breaker.)
*Update: Okay, so much to my shock and horror, it seems like there are a few fairly normal, mostly likeable people who actually enjoyed this movie. To those people I say a.) My condolences and b.) I shall stop hating you if you write nice, fuzzy, glowing comments about me.
-When I check my TypePad stats and no one new has looked at my site since I last checked. Boo-Hoo.
-Women who look beautiful with no makeup. Yeah, yeah, life is hard isn't it? It must suck to be so flawless. Get away from me! You're making me look bad. Oh, wait, maybe hanging with you will 'up' my cute factor? Okay, then. Stay. But at least have the decency to not wash your face for a few days and let it get a little greasy. Or eat a bunch of salty snacks so you get some major eye bags. Come on, give me SOMETHING to work with here. Okay, that's better. Now I don't hate you, I only wish a zit or blotch upon your radiant complexion.
-Feet. Don't show me your feet, ask me to touch your feet, or put your feet on me. EVER. (Dear Lord, I just got a chill up my back thinking of it.) The only feet that are acceptable are babies' feet under the age of 3. IF - they are clean.

Some Thing I am Confused About:
-If I am freezing my ass off because my husband likes it to be cold enough to hang meat in the house, and I want him to adjust the thermostat, do I say I want him to turn the air UP? or turn the air DOWN? Because the boy tries to screw me on that one no matter which I say.
-Even though I find it STOMACH-CRUNCHINGLY hilarious! - the mind that came up with THIS.
-Turkey Bacon ...EW.
-"Country Crafts" decor. *shudder*

Some Things Friday #5

Some Things I Love:
-James Spader on "The Practice". Oooh, James. I don't know why I love you, I think it's because you were such a BAD boy on that show. Also, he's going to be in a spinoff show this fall. Catch him on Boston Legal.
-Goat Cheese. Stinky and Yuuummy.
-THIS place.
-The WEE Puppy Club. Amy. Kristie. And Me!

*click to enlarge

Some Things I Hate:
-People that hang theme flags on their houses. Sorry, if you do it maybe I don't hate you. But...that's a toughie. My neighbor, for instance, has hung a school bus flag. I guess because we don't already know her kids go to school? Or to remind her kids what the vehicle looks like that they should get into in the morning? I tried to find an example of it for you online, but had to stop because all those ass-ugly flags were making me sick.
-Grapefruit.
-Ignorant and close-minded people. For instance, my husband and I were at my parents' house recently, and we were talking to my sister about our "hair guys" (who happen to both be gay and dating each other). My dad of course overheard the conversation and asked me disgustedly on the side "Are they talking about gays?" "Well, no, our hairdressers" I said, and took off into another room because I did NOT want to hear him break into that conversation with his "those gay boys" talk. GAG. It pissed us all off royally.
-Getting wet. I love to take baths, but the idea of the initial getting wet grosses me out. Huh. Go figure.

Some Things I am Confused About:
-Why she looks SO unhappy. I mean, look at your lovely attire! You probably even get to take the wardrobe home, don't you? Lucky girl.
-Nipple piercing. What possesses you to do it?!?
-People who consistently meet their goals and have it all together. Bitches. -- I mean, wow. How can I do that?
-Why someone calls and leaves a message that says "I have a question for you, blah, blah, blah - call me back" instead of just leaving the question on the message. So then you have to call them back just to find out what the question is, which you don't want to do because you really don't want to talk to them anyway and would like to keep the conversation as short as possible. In fact, you'd rather just have the question so you can wait to call them after 5 so you can leave THEM a message with the answer and can avoid talking to them altogether. Lugheads. Can't they get the hint?