Sarcomical

Sarcomical Blogmarks 1.31.06

Places to visit courtesy of me (and glaringly telling of my SNL obsession):

• Vimeo / SNL - Lazy Sunday video clip
  proof that the SNL pool of talent is not dead. ...mackin' on some cupcakes baby.
  (tags: fun bored comedy snl)


• CollegeHumor: MORE COWBELL! (The classic SNL skit)
  if you haven't already caught cowbell fever you must be living in a cave. oh, will. you're fabulous.
  (tags: bored comedy snl)


• mp.danwho.net -- SNL: Lettuce
  sometimes it's the little things that get you through it. ...like a head of lettuce. um, yeah.
  (tags: bored snl comday)

Sarcomical Blogmarks

Places to visit courtesy of me:

• iTRAIN™ :: download | workout
  download a personal trainer's workout, complete with music, to your mp3 player. could this be a catalyst to get me off my butt? hmmm...
  (tags: mp3 fitness)


• 3hive - sharing the sharing
  why have i not spent more time here already? very nice site to sample music that's worth listening to. great way to discover new favorites.
  (tags: music mp3)


• Throw Rocks At Boys
  oh please. you just can't get a higher level of entertainment. ;) i spent a ridiculous amount of time enjoying this.
  (tags: games bored)

Some Things Friday #41: Yep, I Have No Special Subtitle

Some Things I Love:
1. This guy. Not in the "I love you, let's run off together and forget that guy I'm married to" way, but in a "Hey, you are freaking cool and I am in awe of your awesome talent of awesomeness. Can you teach me how to do that PLEEEASE?" way. You know.
2. The Colbert Report (that's a silent 't' on both words for those of you not in the Cool People Who Love Stephen Colbert Club yet). I hate to say this *ssshhh!*, but he makes me laugh more than Jon Stewart. (I still love you Jonny Baby, let's get together for sushi and making out drinks later, m'kay?)
3. THIS. Oh help me, I want to hate her. But her food, it is the bomb. And her magazine is full of stuff I can actually DO. Oh, and AFFORD (unlike wicked Martha Stewart). As well as practical and real-life-usable goodness. GAH! Evil..toothy...grin...pulling...me...in. Can't...fight. Resistance...wearing down...HELP.
4. It's official. I am madly in love with StumbleUpon. This could very well grow into an incredibly unhealthy co-dependent relationship. Except...I guess a website can't really grow dependent on me. As much as I'd like to think it loves me back.
5. Puppy ears.

Some Things I Hate:
1. The word "custard". *shudder* Yecchhh.
2. Coming home to a shrieking puppy who's pooped all over himself in his crate. No..wait, do I hate that or love it? Oh yeah, I HATE IT. But he's so squishy, I can't be mad.
3. Have you ever smelled a rotten onion because you didn't realize it was rotten until you sliced into it and saw the brown mushy putridness, and the incredibly rancid scent hit you in the middle of your forehead and knocked you dead? I'm just saying. That *may* or *may not* have happened to me last night while I was making dinner.
4. That even though we watched THIS over and over again the other night, we could NOT get the damned t-shirt to come out looking quite that good.
5. That we watched it at least 6 times. Behold, the Chronically Pathetic Loser Couple of the Year.

Some Things I Just Don't Get:
1. Why is Subway still using that Jared fellow? Hasn't that about died out yet? Yawn.
2. Why is the smallest finger on your hand called a "pinky"? Anyone know? I'm sure I could Google or Wiki it, but I'll see what you come up with first.
3. Canada, why do you hate us? Canadian readers, fill me in. Is it because the U.S. is arrogant, pushy, hypocritical, and self-involved? Or is it Tom Cruise? It's Tom Cruise, isn't it?
4. How long do I have to hear about this James Frey fiasco? I mean, am I the only one that is tired of seeing his name and face everywhere? Maybe now that Oprah ripped him to bits it'll be finally laid to rest, because I've gotta say, no offense, but I REALLY DON'T CARE. I know he is a liar and a lot of people were pulled into his story that now feel disillusioned, but I think it's time to toss him back into obscurity where he was before Oprah found him.
5. The seductive pull of The Bachelor: Paris. It's probably the fact that most of these women are fascinating case studies in stupid and embarrassing behavior. But still...why can't I look away?

Half-Week Haiku 38: True Spontaneity is Wasted on the Young

Awww, what a cute picture of me and my little sister, yes? Well, I suppose. But how incredibly, unfathomably cute we are has absolutely nothing to do with why I chose to use this picture in this week's haiku. The true story, my friends, is in the wall behind us to the right of the refrigerator. Where you see a calendar/pegboard hanging. Below which sat a trash can. A trash can above which I stood the day I decided to take scissors to my glorious head of hair (which my mother says she had waited and waited to see finally grow in) at the tender young age of 4 (about 4 years before this picture was taken), all because I had seen a little girl with some kind of 80's shag/mullet/multi-layered cut (whichever it was, I'm sure it was quite enviable *ahem*) and was quite sure I could duplicate the look myself. Needless to say, I did not. My mom walked in, caught me, shrieked in horror at what I had done to myself, and promptly took me to a professional. And that is how I went from this (Pre-Hair Massacre):



to this:

Now, I guess I should say I learned my lesson, or at least that I could never do that to myself today thus making the title of this post completely true. But as you are aware, I have had various incidents that involved getting that old urge to cut my own hair. Ah, well anyway, why don't we all get in a circle and share some of the stupidest things we did as children along these lines? I'll go first:

i feel i must chop
be it barbie's hair or mine
but i can DO IT!

OR...
had to take a pee
no need to interrupt play
pee behind the fence

Sarcomical Blogmarks

Places to visit courtesy of me:

• StumbleUpon
  i have a strange feeling this will be my next great web addiction. a new way to explore the web for things that interest you. rate sites while you explore. very easy.
  (tags: internet bored)


• sweet adeline | the official elliott smith site - by fans
  i just love elliot smith's music...it's so emotionally powerful and haunting. he was such a sad soul.
  (tags: music)


• MyHeritage
  in beta for now; eventually will use face detection and recognition to help research family history and heritage. upload photos to see which celebrities you most resemble. for a good laugh, upload pics of your friends and family too.
  (tags: learning bored)

Sarcomical Blogmarks 1.21.06

Places to visit today courtesy of me:

• Cheap Thrills
  each week, there's a new recipe in this comic strip. good, quick stuff...
  (tags: bored foodie)



AncientFaces.com - Share & Research Family History, Photos, Stories, Recipes
see if any of your relatives are here...you never know. interesting source for family history research.
(tags: learning bored)


Mighty Goods: Shopping Blog
finds new and cool things for you every day. worth a click.
(tags: shopping blog)

Sarcomical Blogmarks 1.19.06

(Thank you, Paige, for being my tech guru and helping me get this set up!)

• HubbleSite - Picture Album
  awe-inspiring...makes me feel sure of God. but i am still phobic about the concept of space. and the ocean. and ferris wheels.
  (tags: science learning)


Idiomsite.com - Idioms and Sayings
ever wonder where all those cliche things like "close but no cigar", "hell in a handbasket", "no dice" and others came from? here's where to look.
(tags: bored)


Splendora Blog
fabulous fabulousness. all the time.
(tags: bored girly)




Jump Into the Mini
run and jump into the mini...miss and it's freaking hilarious (and you will miss, trust me). make sure to read the instructions before you begin.
(tags: games humour bored)


Mitch Hedberg on Wikiquote
i love the way he delivered his material. dry, ironic humour that you wish you had thought of.
(tags: wiki humour)

Half-Week Haiku 37: Yo' Momma's Momma

This pic is of my mom and her brother, and their mom. My grandma. Pretty hot, huh? *Shut up, sicko, that's my grandma! Come ON!* Well, anyway...I suppose not everyone has good memories of their grandmothers when they were little, but I have several. I always saw her as a fun-loving, Lucille-Ball-esque figure for some reason. She seemed to enjoy life from my little child perspective and laughed a lot; she never seems to be afraid to be goofy, even today. It helped that she was generally quite young when she had my mom, as was mine when she had me...so I got to know her at an earlier stage of life than some kids do their grandparents.

Your assignment today? Slap down the 5-7-5 about one of your grandmothers (or any grandparent you knew), and tell us the most significant childhood memory of them - be it an event, a family ritual, a feeling, a smell, or simply the treat you knew would be there when you went to visit. But try to be creative about it...you know how we roll here. I shall go first:

burgers with the works
the messier the better
she loves to squash them

OR...
large closet upstairs
filled to the ceiling with food
child of Depression

she knew how to save
worried about running out
but twelve cans of corn?

Now you.

Some Things Friday #40: The Shortest One Ever

Some Things I Love:
1. The swell of pride when I successfully pluck an eyebrow hair that was too small to see with the naked eye in the first place, but I COULD FEEL IT, DAMN IT!
2. That you can be completely anonymous over the internet. No one has to know you're there, and you can sidle in and out of people's lives as you please. Easy!

Some Things I Hate:
1. When your sneeze gets STUCK. *shudder*
2. The idea of telling people to "De-Lurk". I've been avoiding said "De-Lurking Week" the last 5 days. I don't know, I guess I just feel like I'm back in elementary school on the playground where the cool girls made a heads-down huddled circle around me and took a vote on whether or not I should get to play with them by sticking their right feet inside the circle and I just was thinking "PLEEEEEASE let me be your friend!" and then they DID NOT VOTE ME IN. There were not enough feet.

Some Things I'm Confused About:
1. I used to wonder what Whitney saw in Bobby. But now...I just wonder why Bobby doesn't just call in the Crazy Police already.
2. If I got tired of The Shirking of De-Lurking, and maybe wanted to say "Okay, go ahead and show yourselves, comment already!", and just plain old gave in...would you stick your feet into the circle? It's okay if you don't; I'll just spread nasty rumours about you all over the cafeteria to mask my rejection. (And my WRATH.)

Half-Week Haiku 36: Your REAL Workout Plan

Everyone and their mothers are doing it. At the beginning of the year, we all think "This is the year I'm going to kick my own ass!" We make plans. We buy equipment. We take a new look at that gym we joined 2 years ago. All good intentions. I for one hope I'm successful by the time May comes around. Because my friends? I shall be turning 30 this year. *ohgod* And I intend to be hotter than Pre-Coke Lohan. But I have to be honest, it's taking me some time (and self-guilting) to get my butt in gear. This week's haiku is all about what your workout has REALLY looked like lately. I'll go first:
bun and thigh roller
i carry it down the stairs
then eat a pickle

OR...
ponytail? shoes? check!
weights? balance ball? jump rope? check!
oh look, new comments...

Now YOU.

Some Things Friday #39: The First of 2006

Some Things I Love:
1. Hottie McHot-Hottt Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't care what kind of boy-on-boy-cowboy-or-whatever movie he's in or how many times he's probably kissed Kirsten Dunst (eww cough*bitch*cough)...BOY IS PRETTY.

2. The Prada perfume my mom gave me for Christmas. Good Lord. THANK YOU for the Sephora online wishlist.
3. Three words. After-Christmas Clearance.
4. Starbuck's Breakfast Blend. And it's not because I had 2 big thermoses of it already at home this morning and my fingers are now all jerky. Oh no, IT IS NOT. Heh-heh. What?!? I am not jumpy. I'm not. ...Okay, I am.
5. This CD by The Folk Implosion. It is fabulously awesome. Even though it was released a few years ago, it's something I just found and I really dig it. Dig it? That is seriously uncool, man. I'm sorry about that one.

Some Things I Hate:
1. Leonardo DiCaprio. Don't ask me why, I have no logical reason except that it irritates the living shit out of me just to look at him. Well, him and that freakish Hayley Joel ISeeDeadPeople Osment kid. I get mad any time my husband wants me to watch a movie with either of them in it. They both look like ugly little trolls to me.

2. People who make weird random small talk about things you don't really care about and then create a long akward pause while they stand there just staring and waiting for you to reply about their retarded forced conversation.
3. When you cry so hard your face hurts the next day.
4. Driving 5 1/2 hours to the Mother-in-law's house this weekend with three dogs in the car. Oh yeah. That is going to be stellar.
5. That "Wee-Wee Pads" have become a standard topic of conversation the last few weeks since we got our new Ricky. But he's just so cute.

Some Things I'm Confused About:
1. Erm, like I didn't feel WAY TOO overexposed to these two already. TMI folks, TMI.
2. How can I stop picking at my cuticles?!? Seriously, the last two weeks I've been doing it almost nonstop in a very nervous-Ally-Sheedy-in-The-Breakfast-Club-crazy jittery sort of way. Ugh, my fingertips are so red right now.
3. Okay, just try to tell me that these three sisters didn't *ahem* make some weird pact say...about nine and a half or so months ago.
4. Why have the stores hauled out the Valentine's Day crap already? I seriously can not handle looking at all that pink and red right now.
5. What are my dogs dreaming about when they bark in their sleep? Are they chasing something? Playing with a ball? Warding off the oh-so dangerous and evil children walking past our door on their way home from school? Oh, to see inside the sleeping canine brain.