Sarcomical

Some Things Friday #46: At Least You'll Have Each Other

Some Things I Love:
1. Friday Hottie Paul Rudd. Oh dear sweet Paul. I recently watched "The Shape of Things" and by the end of it I was reminded of what a fine, fine-looking fellow he is. I mean, sure he has that ability to look goofy and in need of some styling product for his floppy locks at times, but man:

2. Annie Chun's FreshPak Noodle Bowls - especially in Korean Kimchi Soup. rawr. This stuff is killer good. If you have a Meijer, I know you can pick some up there. Other than that, the search is your own. But trust me. It only takes a few minutes and Ohhhhhhhh Yesssssss.

3. Laverne & Shirley. Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated. We're gonna do it!
4. M·A·C Tinted Lip Conditioner. It is SO soft and smells like choco-vanilla. Consider this my product recommendation of the week to you. YUM. (And guys, I didn't forget about you. I got this Jack Black lip balm for my husband and he says it's great.)
5. Flipping the calendar. I'm so freakoid about it that I REFUSE to let myself look at the next month until the very end of the last day of the current month. That way I can fully relish in the ritual that is The Flipping. For example, here's what I've been looking at this month (an old photo of a scene in Paris, which I get to change tonight - oooh, the elation!):

Some Things I Hate:
1. That the SNL Spartan Cheerleaders are no longer on the show. *sigh* I miss them. BUTT buttbuttbutt BUTT buttbuttbutt BUTT buttbuttbutt UUuglYYY! You're butt UUuglYYY! Classic.

2. That I've noticed I've become a Jaw-Clencher lately. I get to the end of the day and realize that my jaw is tense and tight and OW. (I have a theory. But it involves another topic that I'll get to later. And no, it is not dirty, and if you even thought that you need to leave right now. NO. Go. Don't look at me like that. Shame on you.)
3. Being inside on a sunny day.
4. Orange popsicles.
5. People who say "Happy B-Day!" Or "V-Day" (Valentines Day). Or "X-Mas". Gah!

Some Things I Just Don't Get:
1. Why does water after eating fish TASTE SO BAD?
2. Hershey's Kissables. I had some. Let me fill you in on a little secret: THEY'RE M&M's. I don't know. I know they're cuter, but I just think it's a bit repetitive, is all. Pfffft.
3. Lisa Loeb's show "#1 Single". No, I actually kind of like the show. What bugs me is, she is TOO GODDAM CUTE to have problems meeting a guy. If SHE'S having problems then Good God I'm glad I don't have to be single ever again, because Holy Crap. If I were a guy, I'd totally dig her. What's UP? I mean, Helooooo?

4. Are press-on nails still making any money? I'm just saying. *shudder*
5. Is this really a positive toy for a child? I don't know, I thought maybe it was a bit too...suggestive. What do you think?

p.s. My sister's coming with her kids today for the weekend! So I'll probably be incommunicado for the next couple of days. I just didn't want you to get scared. It'll be okay. Hold each other until I get back.

Some Things Friday #45: Dora the ExWhore-er?

Some Things I Love:
1. Wings. Crispy wings. Reeeeally crispy wings. Crispy wings with the Hot Sauce on the side. Oooh, Hot Sauce. And a touch of Blue Cheese dressing on the side. Good God, I just actually salivated inside my mouth. I need to go eat something. Do you want to bring me some wings?
2. Duckpin Bowling, because the balls are small and cute and it's a wee bit easier for me to NOT SUCK. And if you make a crack about that balls comment I'll reach through the screen and slap you.
3. That a whole new cycle of America's Next Top Model has started. Oh yes. I get giddy over the many opportunities to mock those girls. My first reaction?
Nnenna = FREAKING GORGEOUS
Mollie Sue = SO DAMN CUTE
Jade = HATE (Can someone PLEASE shut. her. up?)
4. Patchouli
5. Friday Hottie Matthew McConaughotpantshey. Hey, baby.

Some Things I Hate:
1. Is anyone else as ANNOYED as I am by Gisele's IPEX commercial?
2. Clipping our dog's toenails myself. Or watching my husband do it. Or being in the same room while he does it. There have been...Bleeding Incidents. And that has ruined me.
3. Country music.
4. Anything that sounds like country music.
5. Anything that disguises itself as something else but at its root is STILL country music, dammit, I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR RUSE.

Some Things I Just Don't Get:
1. Funyuns. Hey, I said I didn't get them, I didn't say I haven't ever indulged. And boy, after reading this ingredient listing I'm thinking that wasn't such a good idea. I have this strange urge to do a colon cleanse just thinking of those times I ate them in Jr. High.

2. That President Bush seems to have taken on the attitude that he doesn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of him, regardless of his obvious widespread public disapproval. I mean, where are his Image Consultants? If I could have that job I'd tell him to go on Ellen and challenge her to a dance-off. Or to start adding the Quasi-Joke "...that's what SHE said!" á la Michael from The Office after every press question (i.e "Mr. President, is it true that this is the largest defecit in history?" "Heh-heh. That's what SHE said!"). Or to start carrying a puppy with him during public appearances. Because who doesn't like puppies? Sure, these things might not increase his popularity, and they will probably make him look like a bigger asshat, but at least they will make him LESS BORING.
3. Is there any point in going to The Gap anymore? Everything looks exactly the same in there to me. All the time. Blah. Yech.
4. Pro wrestling. But I heart The Rock. I heart him with all the possible hearting a person can. Yet, I still don't get the wrestling thing. Is that actually entertaining?
5. Why my friend SJ thinks Dora the Explorer is a "whore". SJ, please clarify. The Readers want to know. Thank you. ;)

Sarcomical Blogmarks 3.08.06

Places to visit today courtesy of me (all about the photos):

• BRENT STIRTON - PHOTOGRAPHY
  incredible use of light and what startling truth in his photos.
  (tags: art photography travel)



• Look at Me, a collection of found photos
  i just LOVE old photographs of families and people doing everyday things. this would be of interest to anyone else who enjoys history and/or photography.
  (tags: photography)


• Remi Benali Photographer
  incredible images! explore different parts of the world through his photography
  (tags: art photography travel)



• Jane Fulton Alt fine art photography
  what an interesting vision to her pictures. worth a look.
  (tags: art photography)

Half-Week Haiku 41: Now Would Be a Good Time for Vanity to Kick In...

I can't believe I'm showing you this. But I love you. I love you with the infinite size of Internet Love which circles the galaxy and comes back around to envelop you in a Big Sloppy Internet Smack on the Cheek. *swoon* But I digress. What was this supposed to be about? OH YES, this week's Haiku assignment. See, two years ago we went to Florida with my sister and The Husband's brother. The sister and I acted like two Mad-Crazy Hotties and went to Disneyworld. That's right, we rocked the House of Mouse like a couple of Paris and Nicole Bitches. Okay, I kid.

Aaannnyway...what is a kickass trip to Disney without a ride on Splash Mountain? And WHAT, may I ask, is a ride on Splash Mountain without the 2-hour wait in an 89-degree line with sweaty screaming children and horny teenagers who think of the wait as a perfect time for public foreplay? Well, we finally made our glorious way onto the "raft". The creepy music and moving psycho animals began. *shudder* And slowly, ever so slowly, we made our way to THE FINAL DROP. Oh, wait a minute? Did you not get a good enough look at us in that last pic? Do not think I don't love you enough to give you a closer look at our sweet little faces, because YOU KNOW I DO. Even at the risk of you losing all further respect for me.

I give you...GROTESQUE FACIAL CONTORTIONS ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN:

That's us. With the sunglasses on. Can you tell we're related by our Tandem Screams? Lovely, no?

And so, your assignment for this week's Haiku is to caption this photo with your wit, talent, imagination, and if applicable, biting sarcasm. I have no doubt these should be interesting. As always, I'll get things started:

zip-a-dee-do-dah
so we're not up high, right sis?
fuck you, brer rabbit

Now YOU.

Some Things Friday #44: Shut UP!

Some Things I Love:
1. Friday Hottie: Lenny Kravitz. Oh, man.

...Oh, sorry. For a minute I forgot you were here. My man Lenny and I were just sharing a moment.
2. The words "eclair", "lilt", "fabulous", and "superflous".
3. The sound that I have set up as my feed alert. Every time one of my favorite Friendternets™ updates their blog, this is what I hear. Have you not signed up to subscribe to get notified when I update? Well, damn. Go here. It'll make you 5 times hotter. I swear.
4. Blueberry pie.
5. What Not to Wear. It's like an obsession. I can't get enough of Stacy's "Shut UP!" and the hair and makeup makeovers.

Some Things I Hate:
1. Sofa Beds.
2. The words "bulbous", "flatulence", "horny", and "linoleum".
3. That Joaquin Phoenix is getting screwed at the Oscars. Grrrr...

4. Maxi pads. I never use them. And I hate those damned commercials, too.
5. Ice cream with nuts in it. That's just wrong.

Some Things I Just Don't Get:
1. WHAT is with all the "black-guy-dressed-as-an-old-fat-black-woman" movies?
2. Why is muenster cheese orange on the outside?

3. The point of socks with toes in them. Doesn't that DRIVE YOU CRAZY? It drives me crazy just thinking about it.
4. Why do I keep calling Ricky "Booger"? I HATE that word. What is compelling me to do this?
5. Animal heads mounted on walls. Is this supposed to be cool? Blech.

Half-Week Haiku 40: Monkey Toes

Monkey Toes
Originally uploaded by Sarcomical.

For this week's haiku assignment, you will have to draw on your inner monkey voice. Basically, caption this pic with your haiku-age. I'll go first:

feeling self-conscious
new haircut too short on top
yoga shall calm me

Now YOU. Impress me.