Sarcomical

Some Things Friday #63: Eye Candy and Butter

Some Things I Love:

1. Husbands who bravely attempt yoga with their wives and Rodney Yee at night. Humorous, let me tell you.
   
2. That soon we'll be able to again make fun of the neighbor who mows after work in his dress pants and shoes. When he doesn't do it after work, he does it in short-shorts...and JOGS it.
   
3. Slip-on shoes. Who wants to TIE things? Not this lazy girl.
   
4. Those half-sized shopping carts at Meijer. The Husband says it makes him feel like he's riding the Short Bus, but whatever. And BONUS, they keep me from buying more than what fits in them.
   
5. This week's Friday Hottie: (please prepare yourselves ladies, as this almost makes me want to cry) Italian soccer player Luca Toni
   

Some Things I Hate:

1. Crumbs in the butter OHMYGOD.
   
2. That there are people who are the most socially and emotionally retarded you've ever met who still manage to make an indecent amount of money, even though it should almost be illegal for them to be entrusted with it.
   
3. Foggy contact lenses. Argh.
   
4. Brazil nuts.
   
5. Being so clumsy that when The Husband hears my daily or multi-daily "Ouch!", he doesn't even exert the energy to ask anymore...not unless there is follow-up noise for at least 20 seconds.

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. The randomness of having Kevin Bacon in those Hanes commercials.
   
2. What made the first person who ever cut into an onion and became teary-eyed in SHEER PAIN say to themselves..."you know, I bet THIS would be a good thing to put in my mouth"? Brave, brave. But thank God for that individual. Because mmmm...
   
3. Those who think Whoopie Cushions are hilarious.
   
4. 98% of the items in Victoria's Secret. Who is wearing this?
   
5. Why grownups can't have recess.

technorati tags: Luca Toni

One-Word Sarcomical Sunday #7

Another Sunday, another list. You love it, I love it. Let's all go for ice cream.

Remember, after you read mine, copy and paste these into your comment and replace my answers with yours. You only get ONE WORD to express your brilliance in answering. Choose wisely, you pretty little thing, you.

Your Weekend: Playful
Smelling: Springtime
Annoyed By: Bra
Your Face: Sleepy
Your Pants: Swooshy
Something You Want To Create: Beauty
A Favorite Old Movie Star: Kelly
Not Looking Forward To: Running
Hearing: Chimes
You Wish You Could: Strum
Last Thing You Cooked: Tilapia
Your Breakfast: Shake
Your Driving Record: Clean
Last Illness: Throat
Want To Be: Exploring
Mind Keeps Wandering To: Plans
You Despise: Obstinance
Unprepared For: Retirement
Favorite Part Of Spring: Blooming
Your Toenails: Peach
Proud Of Your: Hopefulness
Not Proud Of Your: Hesitation
How You Decompress: Solitude
Your Kitchen Table: Round
Something You Want to Accomplish Today: Fun

One-Word Sarcomical Sunday #6

Oh yes, I am getting better at reliably providing you with your weekly fill-in-the-blank fun. I know you like it. Admit it. You get so excited, it makes me feel bad to deny you the joy. I'm barely getting it in on time, but hey, most of you do this thing on Mondays anyway, right?

So here's the drill for the newbies. After you read mine, copy and paste these into your comment, and replace my answer with yours. Simple, no? BUT WAIT. The trick is to get your UberIntelligent and/or UberWitty and/or UberBoring answer conveyed in just ONE WORD. I know, this is a lot to ask when you're dealing with important things in the world swirling all around you. But I have no doubt that you can accomplish the task. Are you ready?

Your Mood: Upward
What You're Craving: Cheese
Your Favorite Day of the Week: Saturday
Your Mind: Wandering
Something that Cheers You Up: Coffee
Something that Depresses You: Jeans
Where Your Keys Rest at Night: Counter
A TV Gameshow You Secretly Get Into: Feud
The Way You Like Your Eggs: Dippy
Your Hair: Wet
The Last Thing You Ordered Online: Books
The Messiest Room In Your Home Right Now: Guest
Your Least Favorite Month: January
The Worst Fashion Fad You Participated In: Pegging
How Many Times In the Night You Get Up To Pee (on average): Zero
Your Journey: Forking
A Sound that Makes You Happy: Chiming
Your First Date: Group
Something You Wish You Did More Often: Read
Something You Admire: Awareness
The First Place You Go When You Get Home: Puppies
What You're Going to Do Now: Bed

One-Word Sarcomical Sunday #5

I know, I know. Sometimes it's hard to get your fabulous answer to make sense in only one word. DO IT ANYWAY. You get one word to answer each of these. Copy and paste mine into your comment and replace my answers with yours. I'll be watching yoooouuu...
p.s. - That shirt really brings out your eyes. Rawr.

Your Current Footwear: Socks
Something You're Doing Later: Regan
Something You Wish You Could Do Right Now: Buy
Your Age At the Time Of Your First Kiss: 14
Your Feelings About Global Warming: Nervous
A Sport You Wish Would Never Be Shown On Television: Bowling
Something On Your Desk that Shouldn't Be: Ziploc
A Word To Describe The Current State of Your Sex Life: meh
How the Sky Looks Right Now: Clouding
Which of Snow White's 7 Dwarfs You'd Be: Sneezy
Your Preferred Birthday Cake: Cupcake
A Magazine You Subscribe To: Blueprint
Number of Piercings You Have: 4
Your Favorite Delivery/Takeout Item: Fajitas
A Game You Hate to Play: Monopoly
The Name of Your First Real-Life Crush: Matt
The Hand You Write With: Left
The Hand You Wear Watches On: Left
Your Clothes Closet: Trashed
The Side of the Bed You Sleep On (from the on-the-bed perspective): Right
A Flavor You Love: SPICY!
Your Car: Jetta
The Last Thing You Misplaced: Phone
Your High School Mascot: Bulldog
Your Wasted Talent: Music

Some Things Friday #62: Purse-Whacking

*Don't miss the video at the VERY end of my dog that needs therapy.

Some Things I Love:

1. Lots of words that start with 'V'. For example...velour, vast, vanquish, velvet, vista, vampire, vilify, valiant... One of the exceptions to this rule? Vagina.
   
2. Soft, fluffy IKEA Flokati rugs. I would like to take a nap all over one. Right now.
   
3. Egyptian and other ancient art...it captivates me.
   
   Check out some of the permanent collection features at the Met.
   
4. Little food with toothpicks in it. Preferably colored toothpicks. More preferably, green.
   
5. Friday Hot Little Number of the Week: Ryan Dimple-icious Reynolds (mrawr)
   

Some Things I Hate:

1. Jell-O with pineapple in it. Or grapes. Or oranges. Or any fruit except for the glorious strawberry.
   
2. The cars with the blinkers that go reallyreallyreallyfast! like they're on crack.
   
3. Living in a subdivision - either give me hermitage in the country or the life-buzz of city dwelling, I'm so weary of this annoying dullness.
   
4. Thinking your period has stopped for an entire day, and then realizing suddenly the next day when you get back to work from lunch that no, it has, in fact, NOT. Then you have to go into the communal "special drawer" of storage in the bathroom and steal from someone else's stash. And it's not your brand. And you really like your brand. So the afternoon kind of sucks.
   
5. This commercial. The Husband came into the room last night to find out why I was suddenly crying with accompanying sobbing noises (I'm sorry, I was a little bit tired), and all I could tell him was to rewind the television. He watched it and said "Great, thanks. That was depressing." What can I say, we're suckers for a pouty face. And then we looked at our three and he said "...and just look how YOU GUYS don't appreciate us."
   

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Why so many people love Larry the Cable Guy. (On a side note, the next person I hear say "Git 'r done!" is going to get whacked by my purse, old-bitchy-lady-style.)
   
   
2. Why everyone in the media is suddenly acting like Anna Nicole Smith was some sort of beloved American icon who we want to obsess over a month after her death. What's with the weird montages and the emotional backstories? I know it's very sad, and I know it's a trainwreck, but haven't we already seen enough? Does her life and what she did with it really warrant all of this?
   
3. People with Micky Mouse heads on top of their car antennas.
   
4. The appeal of the cold soup.
   
5. I've shown you this before (well, not this particular video, as this just literally happened two minutes ago), but I have no idea what Lucy's problem with the stairs is when she does this. As you will see, several times all she'd have to do is just OPEN HER MOUTH and take the toy off the step, but apparently that is too, oh I don't know...SCARY.
   (p.s. turn on your speakers)