Today, The Husband & I went to buy a new tree, as our last one had its final, pitiful run last Christmas. I have to be honest, I've been less and less into the "holiday spirit", and this experience just highlighted the disconnect I've been feeling. To me, as we were wandering around the room full of decorated displays, it all seemed so grossly fake. The idea of plunking down the money for a tree that doesn't look real (sadly with 3 pets, we've ruled out actually getting a real tree) and putting a bunch of shiny crap on it and all just because it's kind of expected feels hard to justify to me this year. All of it, from the first tacky lawn ornament to the last giant bow of the whole season makes me cringe a bit, because I guess I'm not feeling the genuineness in a year where so many things have imploded for us and so much disappointment has prevailed.
In order for me to get any sense of satisfaction from this next month, I know I need to release myself from bearing the burden of the things that have brought some of the black clouds into the past year, and frankly I'm tired of holding so tightly to my own unhappiness over them. I've always had a cynical side accompanying my playful nature, and really this past year has fed my cynicism and turned it into a very large, hairy, snarly Troll. I know I have changed as a person over the past 8 months in a way. But I would like to let that Troll out of the cage to take a nice vacation for a while, perhaps overseas. Maybe it can go to Pakistan and take out Bin Laden?
Anywhooo...
I don't want to let anything cloud a special time of year. I think I'd like to make some of the decorations, do things simple, and really allow myself to feel meaning in small things we can do together.
Do you have any special things you do together during the holiday season that help center the focus on the small moments, the shared experiences, the pleasure of forgotten things?
