Sarcomical

11 Years Old...

We celebrated our anniversary of being married 11 years and dating about 14 1/2 downtown this year, and after a shockingly ravenous meal of multiple varieties of meats (scurried about via 'Meat Gauchos' carrying giant skewers of sizzling non-veggie-ness), at Brazilian Steakhouse Fogo de Chao, we paused to pretend with The Sexy. It was dangerous for all who passed by our radius. As you can clearly tell.

(More photos and awesomeness to come from the past few days...*including MY BIRTHDAY ahem ahem*. Oh, I assure you.)

Texty Voyeurism: How to handle yourself in a storm

*at approximately 1:30am last week while The Husband was out of town

Me:  (local weatherman) just came on live to say maybe hail. winds up to 50mph.
Him:  Be careful
Me:  uh...careful doing what?
Him:  Whatever you do when it hails and winds at fifty
Me:  oh you mean stand out in the front yard and dance on the lightpole?
Him:  Exactly
Me: okay well, maybe won't wear sequined bikini then

Does this mean we can finally shut off the gas to the freaking fireplace?

 

Vintage Sarcomical: Barbie & Ken Reception AND the Inebriated Throwdown Afterward

*This is the first of the Vintage Sarcomical posts from the original blog. I'll occasionally be posting some of my old favorites here for your SUPER COLOSSAL ENJOYMENT. This post was originally published November 7, 2007.

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Sooo.......

We went to my niece's birthday party this past weekend. This was definitely a Barbie year. She turned 5, so she is all of the sudden in desperate need of many, many dolls. And apparently, my sister and I (31 and 26 years old, respectively) and my husband (only a slightly resisting participant) needed to express ourselves through the art of Doll Manipulation. It was graceful. It was beautiful. It was moving.

It was...disgustingly hilarious.

It all started out nicely enough. Very "Just the Way You Look Tonight"-ish. Aw.

They seemed to be enjoying the festivities.

Then Barbie got a little, um, over-the-top...

...so Ken decided he needed to take it up a notch.

This is when Barbie started letting her competitive obsession take over.

After that, it was just a sad display of showboating. It was not attractive, and truthfully was a little embarrassing to watch.

Oh, the Ugliness that ensued:

She got all up in his face talking about how he never could cut his mother's apron strings and didn't know how to please a woman because he was so selfish.

...Then she passed out.

Ken then got up, feathered his hair, went home and watched Baywatch while cutting up Barbie's favorite shirts into tiny, tiny pieces.

Some Things Friday #74: Magic, potatoes & curry

Some Things I Love:

1. Cool floors on hot days
2. Tearing paper apart at the perforation
3. Open windows and crickets at night
4. The Husband is learning magic card tricks - he is very cute and serious when he does them.
5. The scent of very old books

Some Things I Hate:

1. Scarlett Johansson being in the next Iron Man movie...Blech
2. That after 10 years, The Husband had to tell me that there is a 'Potato' button on the microwave...just think of all the potatoes I could have been eating! Russet, Sweet, Red...dear God, so much time lost...
3. Dasani water
4. Raking dog hair
5. Knowing very well that I'm procrastinating, but deciding I'll do something about it later

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. How anyone could not LOVE the smell of curry
2. Why the number of barking neighbor dogs has this year multiplied by at least 23,000. I mean, it has to have - do you HEAR that? I feel like Elaine in the Seinfeld episode where she had one particular yipper "kidnapped". Not that I would do that, of course. Or have even fantasized about it. At all.
3. Blip.fm, and why I should care what anyone else is listening to on it
4. Rodents as pets
5. Joggers who think they look "awesome" enough to run barely clothed, when...in fact...NO...
   

6 Things You Need to Know Before Watching This Video:

1. I do not usually sound like an 80-year old lady when I open my mouth as I do at the opening of this clip.
2. Lucy started doing...strange things...with her ball after she saw us maneuvering it like a soccer ball to keep it away from her. I think she tried to mimic our footwork? The first time I saw her do this I laughed probably very disproportionately to how funny it actually was. Maybe you will laugh disproportionately as well. BONDING EXPERIENCE!
3. I do not like Rachael Ray. But my dogs love her BOOscotti cookies. Dog Bellies=FTW. Grudge Against Annoying Levels of Pep and Superfluous Hand Gestures?=FAIL.
4. "You're not giving away our water pick!" ... "SERENITY NOW!!!" 
5. Sometimes there are crumbs in my toaster oven.
6. Ricky is mysteriously terrified of walking on the wood floor about 8.5 times out of 10.

(*feed reader folks, there is a video here)