Sarcomical

What I Got

"I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got."
—Sabrina Ward Harrison (Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself)

I'm trying to decide if I still ever feel this way...

I like to think that, as I am approaching a birthday very many women do not like (35), I have grown into myself. Sure, that would be nice.

At the very least I think I've evolved, in my already-established relationships, to a level of genuineness and comfort - not comfort with THEM, but comfort with ME. As in, not trying to put on a performance in order to impress and be liked, not exerting energy toward judgment ("I can't believe she thinks that is normal!"), refusing to nurse negative-energy relationships and not being afraid to be a little imperfect.

But really, those things don't cover the SHOWING YOU WHO I REALLY AM idea, do they?

I am not generally, in real life, a spiller. I won't sit down with you over tea and share my latest emotional struggle, tell you about the last fight the Mister and I had (that started over english muffins), or confide my Dark Day moments to you. See, a long time ago, I sort of was that person. I was younger and thought of that as connection and was eager for advice. But along the way, I began to realize that some people love to feed off the drama of your life for reasons that are not altogether altruistic or helpful. I also started to see how hasty I was by letting all of Myself out like laundry on the line, when it actually feels good to hold some of you close and warm, tumbling in the privacy of your soul as you grow with each moment survived and learned from. Not Every One needs to know Every Thing.

I suppose in this way, there are things I do hold back...but I'm not sure that means I'm holding back who I am from the people I care about. I like to think of it as working on learning to cultivate peace and balance in my life and trying to make that what I put out more than the opposite. No, I'm not all Zen-Master of Om with friends; I still toss out a wry comment here or a sarcastic wisecrack there and DO I EVER ENJOY IT, but as far as personal drama and hardship? I'd much rather be there to support you in yours than talk about mine.

Honestly, probably the thing I show others the very least is the fact that I am still figuring out WHO this person is. I've still got some questions about mySELF, questions that have gone unanswered for too long because of a muddled youth or a clouded mind or a traumatized spirit or a timid heart or any number of other culprits that basically boil down to ME. There is no one else who can clear this up, and that's been my journey for the past couple of years - well, almost 35 of them, I guess.

Showing that I don't have this self figured out completely yet...that is probably what I don't show most of all.

looooook what i made...

My mega-creative pretty pal Stacy had me over for a project day yesterday, and TA-DEE-DA - look what I made! I'm going to practice my finishing work and get some fun new fabric to make more soon, and then will post steps (p.s. it's silly easy...thus how I managed it, though not without needle-stabbing incident). I also made a funfabulous ribbon-fold beaded bracelet, but I want to do one in different colors before posting a photo. CAHHHRAFTY. Throbbing thumb? Totally worth it.

belated Chinese New Year (hop-hop...)

Yes, though the Chinese New Year was a month ago, we were graciously invited to a party that had been postponed (if you remember, we have been trapped under a tundrous pocket of ice and snow for weeks, rendering all things Fun and Happening quite difficult to attend) at artist Josh Johnson's home last weekend. (First of all, check out Josh's art, for it is Le Bomb.)

• Art of Josh Johnson

   illustrations, letterpress, watercolors and more featuring whimsical animals & magically mysterious characters - and one very special family called The Spindletons...

 

We were supposed to wear something that represented the Zodiac animals correlating with the year we were born. Mr. S. lucked out - he is a rabbit, and LO AND BEHOLD...Easter was throwing up all over the place everywhere we went. For him we settled on a wee stuffed hamster wearing bunny ears. I thought that was pretty funny. At the party, the hamsterbunny got friendly with various other animals as well as the Mr. T doll, who was apparently there to Pity the Party (seen here wearing the wine cozy we brought and appearing in further shenanigans later):

Mr. S arrived with said hamsterbunny pinned to his jacket, but for some reason he decided to take him off pretty quickly. Hmm...

My animal is the dragon (throw your hands up, 76ers! yay...we're 35 this year...errghh...yay?) and I didn't have as much luck figuring out how to incorporate that into a fun little accessory. So...I went classy. I went for the temporary tatt:

...which you can see here as I show off my contribution to the spontaneous jamming that was taking place throughout the night with various super-fun instruments...

(Also check out my friends Tonos Triad, who I photographed a few years ago and pretty much kick ass and jam ridiculous everywhere they play. Two of the members were there with others providing the *ahem* PROFESSIONAL instrumental yumminess during the evening.)

Here are some more photos from the party:

    

{lucy}

new dependency, but oh so sweet...

This has become my daily multi-daily necessity:

I am completely and hopelessly addicted to the MatéVana loose-leaf tea from Teavana. It has helped to reduce my coffee intake a bit (yay?) but this obsession has perhaps grown to almost as large a monster as I was trying to (sort of) free myself from. Honestly, it's a beautiful monster. It's a comforting, snuggly, warm, pep-talking monster.

This stuff is so sweetly aromatic and full-flavored and makes me feel awake & alert but not shaky no matter how much of it I drink...also it is supposedly NOT technically "addictive", and maybe it's not...yet here I am freaking out (FAH-REAKING) because my next shipment hasn't arrived yet and I don't  have enough for tomorrow! I am trying to will it here with my mind, but if it didn't work when I was five trying to make my stuffed animals fling across the room, I'm pretty sure the telekinesis thing isn't going to just suddenly start working for me now.

You can also get multiple infusions with each serving, so while it's more expensive than some teas, I feel like it's completely worth how happy it makes me two to three times every day. Plus, it's a bit of a calming ritual in itself to watch the scrumptious bits float slowly toward the bottom of my cup. Oh tea, I swoon over you so...