Sarcomical

My alter ego could very well be a bad-ass chick cop...

Stop laughing. Seriously. How rude.

Okay, so I may not currently be in supreme shape. It is true I am not yet buff, but I completely plan to be in the next several months. Like...maybe Lauren Graham buff, not Jessica Biel buff. Jessica's arms terrify me. Plus, let's stick with the plausible.

Well, this lack of perfected physique may cause you to question my statement above. As could a few other tiny details, I suppose. Such as:

1. I detest guns.
2. I get pissy when anyone asks me to wear any sort of uniform as part of a work requirement.
3. Donuts kind of make me feel sick.
4. Blood/vomit/urine? See above.
5. Sometimes I get road rage.
6. A large part of my life philosophy to this point has involved minimizing my risk of death. You know, don't move near the San Andreas fault, stay inside the airplanes at all times, stay ON THE GROUND whenever possible, don't get on the down escalator without getting a firm grip on the rail first, etc.

However.

There is another part of me that gets very VERY pumped about feeling empowered and entirely too excited and braggarty (today, that is a word) when I see a new muscle pop out. I have a vehement sense of justice and always wanted to solve crimes. I can be cocky and tough (not that the two necessarily have to go together); it's just not a side of me I've nurtured much I suppose. Sometimes I think I could possibly have rocked a badge like nobody's business.

I mean, you totally get that I'd want to be the Mariska Hargitay cop, right? Not the local beat cop, no. I'm imagining myself with a sexy short shag, and endless array of cropped jackets, a tough attitude, pouty lips and a hot-as-hell partner, dramatically solving crimes with my mind AND my bod.

Oh, did I forget to say that?

technorati tags: NaBloPoMo

What You Do Alone

I think we all have that thing. Actually, most of us probably have a FEW of them. You know, what you do when you suddenly find yourself in the house completely alone - the spouse just headed out on a trip, the kids are off to sleep over at their friends' houses, your roommate actually got a boyfriend and has somewhere else to go for the weekend - you're alone not just for an hour or two, but HOURS AND HOURS. And now, you finally have a chance to be completely selfish and do what you save for those moments when no one is there to criticize, observe, interrupt, or judge.

What do you do?

Me? You want to know what I do before you answer?

I love to put on the most relaxing clothes I own, and then usually do one or more of the following:

1. spread out a load of books and magazines from the Stuff I Want to Read but Still Haven't Read but that Doesn't Mean I Won't Keep Buying More Stuff pile and pick one to dig into
2. put my hair in a ponytail and not wash my face for two days
3. slice up a whole onion, sauté the hell out of it, and eat the entire thing because who's going to be around to be offended? p.s. IT'S DELICIOUS
4. sing all over the house, possibly even attempting to hit some of the high notes in those Mariah Carey songs from the 90's?...yeah, you know which ones I'm talking about
5. watch something completely and utterly irrelevant and/or mindless, such as the Lifetime "I married a hot guy but then he started to beat me/tried to kill me/started to like other hot guys so I ran away/fought back/divorced him and learned to love again" movies, or The Food Network, or a Mad About You marathon
6. log on to Rhapsody, put the playlist on random, and turn everything up REALLY LOUD
7. sit on the bathroom counter to lean into the medicine cabinet mirror and pluck my eyebrows for a very long time
8. crack open a notebook and wait for some sort of magical inspiration to compel me to write something brilliant or draw something at least above 3rd grade level
9. take a nap on the couch with a puffy blanket on top of me and two of the dogs laying in my crooks
10. paint my toenails

Those are a few things I may do. Now, give me one or two of yours.

technorati tags: NaBloPoMo