Sarcomical

What I'm Not Going to Write Today

If I were to write today what's really working its way through my mind, or what my days have often consisted of recently, I'd probably say things like

mental shutdown
numb
uneasy moments
fogginess (i forget, i lose, i struggle)
this is back, isn't it? *shit*
depression
agonizing
hours lost in front of movies, staring at single magazine page, computer screen
trying to self-diagnose
thyroid?
childhood head trauma residual effect? (oh, the research!)
plain old mental snafu?
anxiety
emotional stab wounds from people i've trusted
husband diagnosed with chronic illness (births fears i never felt before)
finances = SUCK
this year is the year of The Suck
i'm not as steady as i should be
hate it appearing to be my choice
as if it's some emotional "game"
i could snap out of
really don't want to talk about it
tired of being in idle
not managing to move right or left
coffee beans and puppy tongues are bright spots
why the hell am i still doing this at 32?
angry yet sad
embarrassed
(online) peers seem to have moved beyond into semblance of adulthood
why would i be back here again?
sigh
dammit

...but since I don't really want to go into that (and because I still have happy and perfectly normal moments and don't want to be The Depressed She-Blogger), I'll post a photo of something happy and cute. Like a puppy. My puppy. Ricky. And how we greeted trick-or-treaters the other night:

(MOOO.)

technorati tags: NaBloPoMo

Some Things Friday #62: Purse-Whacking

*Don't miss the video at the VERY end of my dog that needs therapy.

Some Things I Love:

1. Lots of words that start with 'V'. For example...velour, vast, vanquish, velvet, vista, vampire, vilify, valiant... One of the exceptions to this rule? Vagina.
   
2. Soft, fluffy IKEA Flokati rugs. I would like to take a nap all over one. Right now.
   
3. Egyptian and other ancient art...it captivates me.
   
   Check out some of the permanent collection features at the Met.
   
4. Little food with toothpicks in it. Preferably colored toothpicks. More preferably, green.
   
5. Friday Hot Little Number of the Week: Ryan Dimple-icious Reynolds (mrawr)
   

Some Things I Hate:

1. Jell-O with pineapple in it. Or grapes. Or oranges. Or any fruit except for the glorious strawberry.
   
2. The cars with the blinkers that go reallyreallyreallyfast! like they're on crack.
   
3. Living in a subdivision - either give me hermitage in the country or the life-buzz of city dwelling, I'm so weary of this annoying dullness.
   
4. Thinking your period has stopped for an entire day, and then realizing suddenly the next day when you get back to work from lunch that no, it has, in fact, NOT. Then you have to go into the communal "special drawer" of storage in the bathroom and steal from someone else's stash. And it's not your brand. And you really like your brand. So the afternoon kind of sucks.
   
5. This commercial. The Husband came into the room last night to find out why I was suddenly crying with accompanying sobbing noises (I'm sorry, I was a little bit tired), and all I could tell him was to rewind the television. He watched it and said "Great, thanks. That was depressing." What can I say, we're suckers for a pouty face. And then we looked at our three and he said "...and just look how YOU GUYS don't appreciate us."
   

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Why so many people love Larry the Cable Guy. (On a side note, the next person I hear say "Git 'r done!" is going to get whacked by my purse, old-bitchy-lady-style.)
   
   
2. Why everyone in the media is suddenly acting like Anna Nicole Smith was some sort of beloved American icon who we want to obsess over a month after her death. What's with the weird montages and the emotional backstories? I know it's very sad, and I know it's a trainwreck, but haven't we already seen enough? Does her life and what she did with it really warrant all of this?
   
3. People with Micky Mouse heads on top of their car antennas.
   
4. The appeal of the cold soup.
   
5. I've shown you this before (well, not this particular video, as this just literally happened two minutes ago), but I have no idea what Lucy's problem with the stairs is when she does this. As you will see, several times all she'd have to do is just OPEN HER MOUTH and take the toy off the step, but apparently that is too, oh I don't know...SCARY.
   (p.s. turn on your speakers)
   
   

Some Things Friday #61: Lucy's Edition

Lucy is very opinionated and a touch bitchy even at times (OH, DO NOT LET THE FACE FOOL YOU), but I love her. She is the only other girl in the house and we share a very special, although a bit codependent, bond. So when she told me that she wanted to do this week's Some Things list, how could I refuse her? And so...you should read the following as if Lucy had typed it, because she totally tried, but her toenails kept getting stuck in between the keys.
Some Things I Love:

1. squeaky firehose toy...hold on...ohmi--ohmigod where IS IT?!?
   
2. chewing on my feet
   
3. mommy's lap
   
4. cucumbers
   
5. flirting with my brothers ...what?

Some Things I Hate:

1. the vaccuum cleaner....i think it's trying to suck out my brain
   
2. the blowdryer...i think it's trying to melt my brain
   
3. ricky is a mommy-hog
   
4. mommy has these ridiculous little songs for each of us (me, my two stupid brothers, and that other furry thing with a long tail who poops in a box). and like, a KAMILLION nicknames that are so very embarrassing, like "Tiny Head" and "Woo Pie" and "Butt Munch". GOD.
   
5. running bathwater...i think she's trying to drown my brain

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. why did you stop playing with me? wait! i'm not tired yet! don't you love me anymore?
   
2. why i can't quite manage to get to that spot in my...uh...area
   
3. so what is the big deal? i tried telling you once, you wouldn't wake up, and the carpet is RIGHT HERE so...?
   
4. humans who do not think i'm prettifabulous
   
5. the swiffer sweeper...i'm not sure but i think if i get too close it's going to stuff me in a bag and shake me real hard.

"Swooshing Lucy" - My Monday Gift to You

*Fast-shutter photography put to no good use whatsoever.
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Some Things Friday # 53: If You Don't See the End You've Missed the Best Part (I'm Serious)

(Seriously, make it to the end and you'll be rewarded. Grandly.)

Some Things I Love:

1. French accordion music.
   
2. Rubbing my puppies' ears. They're so soft. It soothes me.
   
3. Root beer floats, baby. The foamier, the better. Did you know there's an A&W Root Beer Stand/KFC (yes, that's a "slash KFC" because someone thinks chicken and root beer mix well) near our house? By the way, if you use Barq's instead of A&W you are a freedom-hating psycho who wants the terrorists to win because all Freedom Lovers drink A&W. Barq's sucks ass. Oh no. I've tripped my "Must Have a Float" wire inside my brain. Now I'm all obsessing. Shit.
   
   
4. Switching it up and using a bar soap every once in a while in the shower. Blast the shower gels and body washes! You can't get more Old World than bar soap, my little friend.
   
5. Alan Freaking Cumming. I know. I KNOW. Say what you will. You don't have to understand it. You don't have to agree with me. (I'm not sure I understand it, either.) But I think he can be seriously hot and I can't help it. Now, just move along down the list and leave me and Alan alone.
   

Some Things I Hate:

1. Being pissy with The Husband even when I don't really want to. But it's so easy! For instance:
   Him: Okay, so I'm going to go back to work now.
   Me: Yeah. Fine.
   Him: I'll call you later, okay?
   Me: WHAT. the hell EVER.
   Huh???
   
2. Dry foggy goddam contact lenses. *squintsquint* *rubrub*
   
3. Dodo birds. Yeah, they're extinct. But they're ugly. So, BUH-BYE Dodo!
   
   
4. Coconut in chocolate. I hate the texture! It shouldn't be there!
   
5. When the puppy pukes cat shit all over the floor. Oh, I recognized the Puke Smile beforehand and rushed to pick him up. I grabbed. I ran. But I didn't make it. A trail resulted. I had a panic attack. (You do NOT understand how close I was to having a puked-up cat crap strewn about my body.) The Husband had to clean it up (naturally).

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. I only need to give you one today. It will satisfy all your needs. Trust me. This was just after the Ice Mountain guy dropped off our water and was driving away. Wait for it. Waaaiit for it. I don't know why he does this. If this doesn't make you laugh then YOU MUST BE DEAD. Be prepared. The cuteness and freakiness just might render you unconscious.

   
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Half-Week Haiku 39: Brought To You by the Number "4"

The Husband decided it was a good idea to take this picture of me sleeping last week on the couch when I felt like crap. (SEE my naturally down-turny mouth? GAH.) Lucy has always climbed up to me at night to get in my "Nook", as we call it. She's not happy if she's not there. Basically, I SPOON THE DOG. Except now, I have two dogs that like to cuddle (Shiloh does NOT), and only one Nook (what a goddam conundrum), which they fight over (yes, the snarly teeth come out when Ricky tries to steal Lucy's Nook), so what usually happens is that Lucy gets The Nook and Ricky sleeps between my legs. Yes. Shut up. It's more like, I make a "4" with my legs (STOP LAUGHING AT ME - it's my usual sleeping position and I AM NOT WEIRD) and he just HAS to climb in there or he acts all lost and "Where do I go?! Where do I go?!". What can I say? I'm the Fur Whisperer. Then the cat comes and sits his ass right next to my face.

Today's Haiku assignment is this: Tell me about YOUR sleeping habits. Do you snore (*cough*like my husband*cough*)? Toss and turn? Talk in your sleep? Sleep in a weird position? I'll go first.

late to bed am i but once there dead to the world burglar? earthquake? snoooooze.

Update: Oh, and look at how IMPORTANT and POPULAR I think I am sleeping with my cell right by my hand like that? Like anyone calls me except the husband, my mom, and my sister. Who do I think I am, Paris Hilton?

Half-Week Haiku 10: A Bodily Function

Oh no, I did not forget you today, loyal Haiku-sters. I delivered.

Following the lines of the recent post about strange Christmas gifts, here is a stocking stuffer we all got from my mother-in-law last year:

That is right folks, the damned thing poops chocolate balls.

Not to be outdone, my sweet little angel puppy Lucy, is scared shitless of the vacuum cleaner. I tried to tell you this before (see, "Things I am Confused About"). But perhaps you didn't quite believe me. As your bestest friend ever I feel obligated to let you know that I would never lie to you (unless of course it made me look much much cooler than I already am...) and so, here is the proof that's in the pudding...er...poop:

These were taken right after I vacuumed last.
Yes, she was ashamed and traumatized and shaking.
...Yes, I am the shittiest dog momma alive for posting these. But I scooped her up and told her I loved her after I captured it on camera. After flushing the poop down the toilet. Of course.

*Take your pick and haiku whatever inspires you. Go to it!